Death jokes

Why did the chicken cross the road because he wanted to get run over and poop, and he died for 30 years until he was sent to Joe for getting run over, and he got killed by something, and then he died, and then he got it by you poop.

How do make an adult cry?

Stab him 10000 times until the floors are red with human blood.

During the election campaign of 2012, we heard about Obama, but we thought they said Osama. So I told my friend, "Grab his gun and let's have some fun." So during one of Obama's campaigns, we both shot him to death, which lasted a while.

Then my friend said, "Let's go get piss drunk at Mavericks bar." Then on TV they talked about Obama's death, and everybody but 2 guys cheered. Then guess what, we loaded our guns and lit those 2 guys up like we did to Obama.

My mom gave me a golden shovel and a hoe. I said, "Why do I need this?" She said, "That you every year."

Bullets.

I will tell you a story. There was a fruit named Pear who was named Dyck. He one day met his friend Carrot, who was later killed after being stuck into some girl's vagina.

Pear then became very sadistic and no one loved him, and he became mentally fruit-pressed. One day he met a Banana named Harvey Weinstein, and they got married and had children who were all named Minion. Eventually, the rest of his family died, and Pear was left slowly rotting away. His last words were, "I have finally 'peared' the consequences of all my actions."

Why was Jesus not good at Basketball?

Because he died in the Cross 😈

Man: Die, potato!

Potato: *screams*

I like trains.

Kid: I like trains.

Man: No, wait!

Train: *kills man*

When your cousin dies and everybody thinks you're her.

FUCKING MENT

Your mum is so fat when she died the Earth was flat! 😂😂😂😂

Why are dead baby jokes always funny?

They never get old.

When it's not just a phase and you kill yourself to prove it.

Chris Benoit is like a depressed orphan because he killed his family.

Say what you want about Paul Walker, but he was a smart guy.

You can tell by the quantity of brain matter on his dashboard.

Now their owner is dying.

HAHAHAHA

You are so ugly my man died.

I put a Dalmatian in a washing machine and killed him.

Q: What did one dead hooker say to the other dead hooker?

A: Nothing, dead hookers don't talk.

They laughed at my crayon drawing.

I laughed at their chalk outline.

Danny, your mum [is] dead as hell and got raggedy shoes on.