Death

Death jokes

Suicide

    • A hot girl wants to commit suicide and jump from a bridge when an ugly, smelly, homeless weirdo walks up to her. And he says, "Hey you hot babe, let's fuck." She just answers, "Get the fuck away you ugly bastard." The guy just laughs and says, "Alright, I'll wait down there."

  • 0

    • Son

    • Son: Dad? Why is mommy no longer with us?

    Dad: Why did the chicken cross the road?

    Son: Why?

    Dad: To get to the other side, but your mother only made it about halfway.

  • 10

    • Baby

    • What’s green and orange and sits at the bottom of the swimming pool?

    A baby with burst armbands.

  • 1

    • Brother

    • Me and my brother were called the twin towers. My brother lived up to his title after the plane crash.

  • 0

    • Pineapple

    • Three Indians get captured by an enemy leader, and the leader says, "Go in the woods and find 10 fruits of the same kind."

    The first one comes back with apples. The enemy leader says, "Shove them up your butt and don't make a sound, or I will kill you." He gets to two and yells. The leader kills him. He goes up to heaven.

    The second guy comes back and has grapes. He gets to 9 and laughs. The leader kills him. He goes to heaven.

    The first guy asks the second guy why he laughed, saying he had it in the bag. The second guy said he saw the third guy carrying pineapples.

  • 6

    • Divorce

    • The last words my Dad spoke before he passed was, "Honey put down the knife, we were only talking about getting a divorce."

  • 0

    • Wwii

    • "Why do people call Americans excessive?"

    "It was probably because of WWII."

    "Oh, you mean the war where America responded to the destruction of several ships and a harbor and the deaths of a little over a thousand by completely flattening two cities and killing hundreds of thousands of people?"

  • 8