Death jokes
Are you a toaster? Because I want to take a bath with you ;)
Student: 503 bricks are on a plane. 1 falls off. How many are left?
Teacher: 502.
Student: How do you put an elephant in a fridge?
Teacher: No, you can't fit an elephant in a fridge!!
Student: Just open door, put elephant in, close door.
Student: How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?
Teacher: open door, put giraffe in, close door
Student: No! Open door, take elephant out, put giraffe in, close door.
Student: The Lion King is having a B-day party. All the animals are there, except one. Which one?
Teacher: let me guess the lion?
Student: No! The giraffe because He's in a fridge.
Teacher: WOW!
Student: Sally has to get across a large river home to many alligators. They are very dangerous, but Sally swims across safely. How?
Teacher: Sally stepped on the alligators mouth?
Student: The gators are at the party.
Student: But Sally dies anyway. Why?
Teacher: She drowned?!
Student: No! She got hit in the head by a flying brick.
What is the difference between my Lamborghini and a pile of dead babies?
I don't keep my Lamborghini in my garage.
My old platoon sergeant always told me the hardest thing when walking through a field of dead babies was... his cock.
Did you know pigeons die after sex?
Well, at least the one I fucked did.
If you kill an emo, Is it an assist kill?
The more suicidal people there are, the fewer suicidal people there are.
Digging stuff up is too hard.
I guess necrophilia isn’t for everybody.
Did Jesus die a virgin?
Of course not, he got nailed before he died!
I told a crippled guy he is immortal because he can't kick the bucket.
What's better than 10 dead babies nailed to a tree? One dead baby nailed to ten!
What's the worst thing to say at a funeral? "Hi guys, welcome to my unboxing video!"
How long does it take a baby to cook in the microwave?
I don't know. I close my eyes when I masturbate.
What sound does a baby make when you put it in a blender? I don’t know. I was too busy wanking.
Teacher: "I used to be an orphan once."
Student: "That’s sad."
Teacher: "Anyways, who is away today?"
Student: "Your parents."
How are school shooting victims and school shooting jokes similar? They never get old.
Someone kills an emotionally weak person by hard words and bullying.
No one will suspect the killer was anyone who took part.
What is a box called when a cough dies in it?
A coffin.
People always said that if you killed a murderer, there would be the same number of murderers. Why stop at one?
What’s one thing you can say at a funeral and during sex?
She was too young.