Death jokes

"FUCK FUCK FUCK MY CLOTHES CAUGHT THE FLAME OH MY GOD IT BURNS SO MUCH!"

Why did the orphan like milk?

Because their parents went to get milk and never came back!

I found a child on the street homeless, and they were really nice, so I took them home. Then I said, "Who's better, Biden or Trump?" They said they support Trump. They are now dead in my basement and have been for 3 years.

I had the worst day of my life. My 13 year old ex got killed and I got fired from my job as a police guard. Did I mention that we were in Syria?

Jesus told me if I believed I would live for eternity. I believed, but at 97 I died...

I think Jesus is broken.

How does Helen Keller smell?

Pretty bad, she's dead!

What's 6ft long, red, and my girlfriend cries when I feed it to her?

A miscarriage.

1) What was Techno's reaction when he died?

2) Where did all the orphans go?

PS: In case you don't get it, it's a pedophile joke, cuz he is one!

Why did Stephen Hawking die when he logged onto Facebook?

It took all his info!

Stephen Hawking drove too far away from the wall and unplugged himself.

Why did Stephen Hawking die?

Because his carer lost his charger.

How do you prevent a physics teacher from drowning? Shoot her before she touches the water.

What do world hunger and a Mercedes have in common?

Diana can't stop either.

My friend's dad died during 9/11. He was such a good pilot, but my friend kept disturbing him, so when his dad died, he said, "It was you who killed me" (to the child).

So the child said, "Yoo-hoo? What type of name is Yoo-hoo, but Yoo-hoo, Yoo-hoo come here, I need to kill you NOW."

I told my wife I needed a blood transfusion when I could not remember. She said, "Be positive too."

Bad, I am now a ghost writing this.

What were Paul Walker's last words?

Hey, that tree's growing!

Once I was riding my bike and saw a $5. I jumped off and died.

You're so skinny, death mistook you for dead.

An apple and an emo girl fall from the same height in a tree. Which one hits the ground first? The apple, cuz the noose stops her.

What do you call an orphan you put into a volcano with a wheelchair?

Hot Wheels.