Death jokes
How do you help a rape victim on a diet lose 7 pounds?
Kill her afterwards.
Why is Paul Walker a walker?
To let people know he isn't a driver.
How did Stephen Hawking die?
He hit Alt+F4.
I killed myself, then woke up.
What did the chicken say after he died? Nothing.
What is the difference between you and me? I have parents and yours left...
My wife and I went to the bar to get a drink, but 2 mins later, I see her dead on the ground. I guess she couldn't see the bottle flying at her face. Then I laughed and went home.
You see a cat, it's dead, you are dead.
My grandpa died to ligma.
Ligma balls lol.
I killed a homeless dude, now she's at the funeral home. 😭💔
What do you call a car on the side of the road, lit up and ablaze?
Paul Walker's death.
That's why your grandma 6 ft deep, feet!
How do Ephippians celebrate their kids' first birthday?
Put a flower on their gravestone.
I remember my son's last words: "I stubbed my toe!"
Doctor: “You’ll be at peace soon.”
Man: “Am I dying?”
Doctor: “No, your wife is.”
I asked an orphan where his parents were. Then I remembered, they're gone.
My dad said not to touch this thingy called a gun, but I looked down that pole and pressed that thing, and now I'm in heaven.
What do Batman and orphans have in common?
Their parents died.
Why did the orphan cross the road?
His parents were on the other side!
At this point, I don't want a funeral when I commit. I just want a going away party so people have an excuse to celebrate.