Death jokes
What did the kid with cancer say? "Can-I see my mom one more time?"
They laughed at my crayon drawing.
I laughed at their chalk outline.
Stephen Hawking died because he got hacked by me, and the update was too strong.
Congratulations to Avicii for passing his 3-day milestone of sobriety!
How did Jesus kill himself?
He fell from his bike.
How many times did he die?
Once on a bike and once when he fell from a cloud in Heaven.
To be brutally honest, I think his wife let him die for money, because they could just plug him back in. Surely they have an Android cable about?
Are you a toaster? 'Cause I wanna take a bath with you.
Are you a knife? 'Cause you make me wanna KMS.
Are you a painting? 'Cause I hang you.
Are you the flu? 'Cause you make me wanna hurl.
Are you a newspaper? 'Cause you have new problems every day.
Are you the ground? 'Cause I'm six feet deep in you ;)
What's the grossest thing ever?
A bag of dead babies.
What's even more gross?
The bottom one is still wriggling!
Why did Bob Ross die?
Because the paint brush stabbed him.
Did you hear he died of a virus? A computer virus.
What's the difference between an orphan dying and a bag of groceries being dropped?
While most agree that both are unfortunate, people actually care when they drop their groceries.
I think I know why Stephen Hawking died, he pressed Alt+F4.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side!
Hitler is amazing; he's dead but still alive because he did Nazi death coming. It never happened.
Your mom should show you your real home. The trash!
If death was an option for a look, you could be the first.
Girl: Can we visit Grandma this weekend?
Mother: Sure.
Five-year-old: Look mommy! Two people and they're wearing rope necklaces!
How do you know your baby is dead?
It stopped screaming after not feeding the bastard for a month.
A man walked into a fleshlight and died.
What did the skeleton say to the other skeleton? "I've got a bone to pick with you!"
That was a real rib tickler. I've got a skele-TON more of the skele-PUNS!
A person walks into the bar and said, "Hey barman, get my son a drink and tell him his dad is dead."
Who said that?