What's 6ft long, red, and my girlfriend cries when I feed it to her?
A miscarriage.
Why did Stephen Hawking die when he logged onto Facebook?
It took all his info!
What do you call a car on the side of the road, lit up and ablaze?
Paul Walker's death.
You see a cat, it's dead, you are dead.
I killed myself, then woke up.
I remember my son's last words: "I stubbed my toe!"
My wife and I went to the bar to get a drink, but 2 mins later, I see her dead on the ground. I guess she couldn't see the bottle flying at her face. Then I laughed and went home.
My dad said not to touch this thingy called a gun, but I looked down that pole and pressed that thing, and now I'm in heaven.
I asked an orphan where his parents were. Then I remembered, they're gone.
Why did the orphan cross the road?
His parents were on the other side!
At this point, I don't want a funeral when I commit. I just want a going away party so people have an excuse to celebrate.
Potters are dead xoxoxoxoxox.
How do you prevent a physics teacher from drowning? Shoot her before she touches the water.
I told my wife I needed a blood transfusion when I could not remember. She said, "Be positive too."
Bad, I am now a ghost writing this.
My friend's dad died during 9/11. He was such a good pilot, but my friend kept disturbing him, so when his dad died, he said, "It was you who killed me" (to the child).
So the child said, "Yoo-hoo? What type of name is Yoo-hoo, but Yoo-hoo, Yoo-hoo come here, I need to kill you NOW."
Why is Paul Walker a walker?
To let people know he isn't a driver.
An apple and an emo girl fall from the same height in a tree. Which one hits the ground first? The apple, cuz the noose stops her.
Once I was riding my bike and saw a $5. I jumped off and died.
What were Paul Walker's last words?
Hey, that tree's growing!
You're so skinny, death mistook you for dead.
