How do you kill a Catholic?
Crucify them...
Death Jokes
"Sing in music lesson"
"I want to die, I want to die, I want to choke myself, break my neck and die."
Say this out loud: "Gabe Itch."
Q: What's the difference between a grandma fetish and necrophilia?
A: A few weeks.
Why didn't Donald Trump pick up his phone when Jeffrey Epstein called him?
Because Donald killed Jeffrey Epstein in prison to hide the evidence.
Are you a bullet?
*gets shot*
Penis, neck, rope?
Your mom is so fat she won't be in a coffin when she dies. She won't fit in it.
Roses are red, your mother has said, "Come back again, and you'll be dead!"
Why am I happy? I'm dead.
Funny thing is, dead women can't say no...
Steven Hawking died. I said, "Why? Did his wheelchair break?"
What do you call the nun that hates?
For Paul Walker, Mother Teresa.
Tesco's slogan is "Every little helps."
Well, their bag did a wonderful job on suffocating my wife.
What has two legs, two arms, one dead and covered in red?
My ex-wife.
What falls quicker off a tree? The leaf or the emo?
The leaf, because the emo is stopped by the rope.
I asked my mother about her mom.
She said she was in a better place. After that, I asked her where that place is. She didn't know, so I sent her to a better place.
Why did Stephen Hawking die? Because he got bummed too hard in the shower.
A guy says to his dog, "Where are you?" The dog was actually dead, bro.
What hit the floor first, the emo or the apple? The apple, the rope stopped the emo.
