Death jokes
My grandpa died in 9/11. He was a great pilot.
How many dead hookers does it take to change a light bulb?
Definitely not 13, because my basement is still dark.
Your Mom so fat that she went on to commit suicide, but the roof fell off.....
My Mom said, "I have a daughter that killed herself for getting bullied."
Well, I said, "Have you seen her?"
Sometime ago I went to the morgue and asked if they took walk-ins.
How did Princess Diana die?
Giving the glove box head.
What's the difference between Paul Walker and a computer?
I care when my computer crashes.
If you wait for a woman to get 9 months pregnant and kill her, you will never be able to stop the loop.
Q: What did one snake say to the other?
A: Nothing because they are both dead.
I ate all of your mommy's orphans.
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
Because she got shot. Dumb bitch!
Last week I found out my toaster is waterproof.
Why didn't the skeleton want to make art anymore?
He didn't have the heart to put into it.
No one:
Literally no one:
Abraham Lincoln: *dies*
John Wilkes Booth: *ranks up*
Why did the skeleton not go to the ball?
He had no-body to go with.
Why did the cliff feel offended?
Because George jumped OFF. ENDED his life.
(I'm sorry... No, I'm not!)
How do you know that Americans hate exercise?
9/11. How else do you explain hundreds of them jumping to their death rather than taking the stairs?
What's better than one dead baby?
Two dead babies.
What is the skeleton's favorite car?
A Zam-bone-y.
What kind of punch hurts a kid the most?
A sandy hook.