Death jokes
This kid was going to sleep and he said, "Night, Mum. Night, Dad. And night, Grandma, and bye, Grandpa." The next morning, Grandpa died, and the next night he said, "Night, Dad. Night, Mum. Night, Grandma." Grandma died the next morning. The next night he said, "Night, Mum, bye, Dad," and they heard the postman died because he was the dad, lol.
How do you know that Americans hate exercise?
9/11. How else do you explain hundreds of them jumping to their death rather than taking the stairs?
My mom asked, "Why are you so depressed? It could be worse. You could be Tracy Latimer."
I replied, "I wish I were Tracy Latimer because then someone would kill me."
I killed a homeless dude, now he's at funeral home 😭💔
My grandpa died in 9/11. He was a great pilot.
How many dead hookers does it take to change a light bulb?
Definitely not 13, because my basement is still dark.
Your hairline is so bad that the queen died when looking at it!
What’s the difference between a Ferrari and a sack of dead babies?
I don’t have a Ferrari in my garage.
Why didn't the skeleton want to make art anymore?
He didn't have the heart to put into it.
Your Mom so fat that she went on to commit suicide, but the roof fell off.....
How did Princess Diana die?
Giving the glove box head.
What's the difference between Paul Walker and a computer?
I care when my computer crashes.
If you wait for a woman to get 9 months pregnant and kill her, you will never be able to stop the loop.
Sometime ago I went to the morgue and asked if they took walk-ins.
My Mom said, "I have a daughter that killed herself for getting bullied."
Well, I said, "Have you seen her?"
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
Because she got shot. Dumb bitch!
Why did the orphan cross the road?
To die on the other side.
Last week I found out my toaster is waterproof.
I ate all of your mommy's orphans.
Q: What did one snake say to the other?
A: Nothing because they are both dead.