Death jokes
Little Johnny died.
Why did Steven Hawking die?
A quad rasher ran him over.
I will always remember my dad's last words...
Oh wait, I never knew them.
How do you kill a Catholic?
Crucify them...
"Sing in music lesson"
"I want to die, I want to die, I want to choke myself, break my neck and die."
Say this out loud: "Gabe Itch."
Q: What's the difference between a grandma fetish and necrophilia?
A: A few weeks.
Are you a bullet?
*gets shot*
Penis, neck, rope?
Your mom is so fat she won't be in a coffin when she dies. She won't fit in it.
Roses are red, your mother has said, "Come back again, and you'll be dead!"
Why am I happy? I'm dead.
Funny thing is, dead women can't say no...
Steven Hawking died. I said, "Why? Did his wheelchair break?"
What do you call the nun that hates?
For Paul Walker, Mother Teresa.
Tesco's slogan is "Every little helps."
Well, their bag did a wonderful job on suffocating my wife.
What has two legs, two arms, one dead and covered in red?
My ex-wife.
What falls quicker off a tree? The leaf or the emo?
The leaf, because the emo is stopped by the rope.
I asked my mother about her mom.
She said she was in a better place. After that, I asked her where that place is. She didn't know, so I sent her to a better place.
Why did Stephen Hawking die? Because he got bummed too hard in the shower.