Death jokes

What's the difference between my basement and my garage?

One has a pile of babies' bodies; the other has their heads.

Why did the orphan run into the street? To get to the other side of life.

Write a different joke of onions and a dead baby.

Grandma told me that when she passed away she wants to be a tree, and so she could live forever.

But I'm not gonna lie, it was a nice toasty fire...

A mom cow's last words were to the mom cow's son. They were, "You are..." then died. The son thought that he was adopted, but then three years later, the mom cow rose from the dead and said to her son that she was going to say, "You were adorable." Then she died once more. Then two years later, she rose from the dead for the last time to say to her son, "And that's why we adopted you."

Dark humor is like kids with cancer; they never get old.

How do you make a plumber cry?

Kill his whole family.

A man had 10 dead and bloody babies in the middle of his living room. The police suddenly knocked on his door. What is the hardest thing to hide?

- A boner.

So... here's da scoop, alright... *licks KFC off lips* so, I was caught having sex wit three 6 year olds (girls btw, just in case you guys get mad) and da judge told me I was getting da death penalty, you know what I mean?

I had a last resort to save myself though, you feel me? So I told da judge, I said to him, I said: "Yo honah, 6 + 6 + 6 = 18, you smell me?"

Needless to say, I was announced a fre-e-e-e-e-e-e man after dat, you feel me?

But then, the Predator Poachers nigckas just barged into the courtroom and they said: 4 + 4 + 5 = 13!

Alas, I'm writing this joke from jail, and judging by the look my prisonmate Tyrone is giving me, I'll be writing jokes from hell from now on.

Why can't orphans have a funeral? Because their parents won't be there.

What did they find in Paul Walker's glovebox?

His head and shoulders.

When Stephen Hawking died, did they take him to the hospital or PC World?

What's the difference between dead babies and a Ferrari?

I don't have a Ferrari in my garage.

What’s the best part about fucking a dead bitch?

You don’t need consent.

Why don’t coffins have Wi-Fi?

Because they don’t want people to be so ‘connected’ while they’re trying to rest in peace.

How do you know the baby's dead? The dog plays with it more.

Who is the fastest reader? The 9/11 victims, because they went through 20 stories.

What did Hitler say to Stan after he died?

I did nazi that coming!

I will never forget my little brother's last words, RIP.

His last words: "Paint doesn't taste good."

Why can't Michael Jackson come within 500 meters of a school?

Because he's dead. 😁