Death jokes
What was the last thing Stephen Hawking said before he died?
"Windows Shut Down."
Where did Sally go after the gunshot?
6 feet under.
*That is how deep they put the coffin...*
Why can't Michael Jackson come within 500 meters of a school?
Because he's dead. 😁
Ol' Mate Shane Warne has sadly passed away. He was probably Australia's Greatest Ever Cricketer. RIP Ol' Mate Warney, died doing what you loved, having gay sex with men and doing cocaine! 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥
Like if you RIP Shane Warne 🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺
Roses are red, Violets are blue, Your grandma died, your dad left you too, Now you're living with your old grandma coot. Oh, let's not forget your mom left you, too. You gon' live alone, die alone, with no roses on your casket, too.
Very sad today. Found my pet mouse "Elvis" dead this morning. He was caught in a trap.
How do you make a plumber cry?
You kill his family.
How did Stephen Hawking die?
He had a computer virus!
How do you know if your wife is dead?
Sex is the same, but the dishes keep piling up.
What's the difference between a pile of 100 dead babies and a Mustang Challenger?
A Mustang Challenger doesn't exist.
Did you hear about the unborn fetus? Oh wait, never mind, it must have been aborted from the sight.
A married woman gets hit by a truck, and the cops tell her husband:
Cop: "Sir, it looks like your wife's been hit by a truck."
Man: "I know, but she has a great personality."
How many babies does it take to change a lightbulb?
More than 9 because my basement's still dark.
911 what's your emergency?
Me: Officer, my girlfriend is dead!
Operator: What happened!?
Me: She bit the tip.
Who were the fastest readers on the planet? 9/11 victims, they went through 80 stories in 10 seconds.
What's the similarity between an orphan and my dick?
They both will die alone.
I'm gonna eat a hell of a lot of popcorn kernels before I die just to make the cremation a little more interesting.
Why do people make orphan jokes... their parents will get mad... oh wait, never mind, please continue.
What's big, black, and touches children?
Harambe.
Why did your mom cross the road?
Why? She didn't, she got hit by a car.