Death jokes
My friend died by a truck, why can't I get run over?
Why was the kid not able to cross the hallway?
Answer: The school shooter already shot him in the middle of the hallway.
What's the difference between dead babies and a Ferrari?
I don't have a Ferrari in my garage.
Q: What did the man say after removing another man's hat? A: He was decapitated.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, Your grandma died, your dad left you too, Now you're living with your old grandma coot. Oh, let's not forget your mom left you, too. You gon' live alone, die alone, with no roses on your casket, too.
Memes
Very sad today. Found my pet mouse "Elvis" dead this morning. He was caught in a trap.
How do you make a plumber cry?
You kill his family.
How did Stephen Hawking die?
He had a computer virus!
What's the difference between a pile of 100 dead babies and a Mustang Challenger?
A Mustang Challenger doesn't exist.
How do you know if your wife is dead?
Sex is the same, but the dishes keep piling up.
How many babies does it take to change a lightbulb?
More than 9 because my basement's still dark.
911 what's your emergency?
Me: Officer, my girlfriend is dead!
Operator: What happened!?
Me: She bit the tip.
A married woman gets hit by a truck, and the cops tell her husband:
Cop: "Sir, it looks like your wife's been hit by a truck."
Man: "I know, but she has a great personality."
Did you hear about the unborn fetus? Oh wait, never mind, it must have been aborted from the sight.
My grandfather was the type of person who never threw anything away.
He died in World War II holding on to a hand grenade.
What's the difference between a parachute and a coffin?
One brings you safely to the ground, and the other is a last resort when you've already hit it.
I got written up on "Take Your Daughter To Work Day." Apparently, it only applies to daughters who are alive.
Sayori: *dies*
Monika: "You kinda left her hanging... 😊"
MC: "😨"
It’s important to establish a good vocabulary.
If I had known the difference between the words “antidote” and “anecdote,” one of my best friends would still be alive.
Chuck Norris died, but Death was too afraid to tell him.