Death jokes
How do you get my neighbor out of their tree?
You untie the rope.
How do you make a sad person jump?
A bridge.
What is red, white, and goes round and round?
A baby in a blender.
A leaf and a depressed kid fall from a building. Which hits the ground first?
The leaf, the rope stops the depressed kid.
"Grandma, tell me a story!" I said as we huddled near the campfire.
"Alright," she said, "Once, there was a tree named Timmy, he was my best tree friend. I used to read books under him and climb all his branches."
"Where is Timmy now?" I asked.
Grandma pointed to the campfire.
Paddy and Seamus work at the Guinness factory, and Seamus has a horrible accident and dies at work.
Paddy agrees to tell Seamus' wife the bad news. He knocks on the door, and Seamus' wife answers. "What's happened, Paddy?" Paddy frowns. "I'm sorry to say poor Seamus fell into the Guinness vat and drowned, I'm so sorry." She started to cry and asked Paddy: "Did he at least die quickly?" Seamus shook his head, "No, he got out 3 times for a pee."
Haha, dead.
Why was the kid not able to cross the hallway?
Answer: The school shooter already shot him in the middle of the hallway.
How do you kill a Catholic?
Crucify them...
Q: What do you call a cat living with a vet? A: A dead, shrivelled up cat on her death bed that is attached to their owner.
Isn't It Purrfect!
Q: What's yellow and floats?
A: A bus full of children.
Who is not hungry in Africa?
A dead person.
What were Stephen Hawking's last words?
The Windows XP log out sound.
What do you call a graveyard full of disabled people?
A cabbage patch.
How do make an adult cry?
Stab him 10000 times until the floors are red with human blood.
Why are the Twin Towers actually twins?
Their birth and death date are the same.
Why did the orphan die?
He killed himself because the lack of a support system made him depressed.
Five out of six people agree that Russian Roulette is safe.
What did Michael Jackson say before he died, as far as his childhood? "This is it."
A man complains to a slave dealer: "The slave you sold me died!"
"By the gods," replies the dealer, "he never did that when I owned him!"