Death jokes

What's black and white, black and white, black and white...?

A dead nun rolling down a hill.

Fatty and Skinny sitting in a bed.

Fatty rolled over, and Skinny was dead.

Stephen Hawking died.

I'd tell a Luigi joke, but it would fall flat faster than the line on his victim's heart monitor.

A mom cow's last words were to the mom cow's son. They were, "You are..." then died. The son thought that he was adopted, but then three years later, the mom cow rose from the dead and said to her son that she was going to say, "You were adorable." Then she died once more. Then two years later, she rose from the dead for the last time to say to her son, "And that's why we adopted you."

Dark humor is like kids with cancer; they never get old.

How do you make a plumber cry?

Kill his whole family.

A man had 10 dead and bloody babies in the middle of his living room. The police suddenly knocked on his door. What is the hardest thing to hide?

- A boner.

So... here's da scoop, alright... *licks KFC off lips* so, I was caught having sex wit three 6 year olds (girls btw, just in case you guys get mad) and da judge told me I was getting da death penalty, you know what I mean?

I had a last resort to save myself though, you feel me? So I told da judge, I said to him, I said: "Yo honah, 6 + 6 + 6 = 18, you smell me?"

Needless to say, I was announced a fre-e-e-e-e-e-e man after dat, you feel me?

But then, the Predator Poachers nigckas just barged into the courtroom and they said: 4 + 4 + 5 = 13!

Alas, I'm writing this joke from jail, and judging by the look my prisonmate Tyrone is giving me, I'll be writing jokes from hell from now on.

Why can't orphans have a funeral? Because their parents won't be there.

Why don’t coffins have Wi-Fi?

Because they don’t want people to be so ‘connected’ while they’re trying to rest in peace.

How do you know the baby's dead? The dog plays with it more.

What’s the best part about fucking a dead bitch?

You don’t need consent.

Why was the kid not able to cross the hallway?

Answer: The school shooter already shot him in the middle of the hallway.

When Stephen Hawking died, did they take him to the hospital or PC World?

What's the difference between dead babies and a Ferrari?

I don't have a Ferrari in my garage.

Q: What did the man say after removing another man's hat? A: He was decapitated.

What was the last thing Stephen Hawking said before he died?

"Windows Shut Down."

Where did Sally go after the gunshot?

6 feet under.

*That is how deep they put the coffin...*

What did they find in Paul Walker's glovebox?

His head and shoulders.