Death jokes

What's the difference between me and Elizabeth Afton?

Her dad always comes back.

My friend is upset with me because I sniffed his grandmother's nickers. Not sure if it was because she was still wearing them or if it was because the whole family was watching. Either way, the rest of her funeral was really awkward.

There's two reasons guys will hang themselves from the neck.

One is to escape the worthless masquerade of a life we pretend we have, and the second reason is to whack off.

A man is on his deathbed in prison by electric chair.

The man who controls the chair asks for any last words.

The prisoner replies with: “Can you hold my hand?”

What is a necrophile's least favorite game?

The Walking Dead.

I love jumping off cliffs.

What is the last thing that goes through a suicide bomber's mind?

His arse.

What did the pirate say when he saw a ghost? He said, "Oh my God, it's me dead parrot!"

Q. What do filicide jokes and filicide victims have in common?

A. They never get old.

If Bruce Willis (the guy in the Christmas movie Die Hard) dies of a Viagra overdose, would that mean he truly dies hard?

Why did Stephen Hawking die? He couldn't log in.

What did one skeleton say to another?

...nothing... they are dead... what did you expect?

Dad: Boy, come sit in this hole while I brace the ground.

Boy: I don't want to see Grandpa, he scares me!

I was wearing a George Floyd t-shirt, and a person said to me: "That must be a bit tight round the neck."

If you give Kobe Bryant a cigarette, he will be warm for a short time.

But he was set on fire in the helicopter crash, so now he's warm for the rest of his life.

Where do you find an orphan? Just look for your mum.

What is hard to find but easy to make?

An orphan.

What is the difference between George Floyd and Kobe?

Kobe got air.

Whoever said that about me better pray!

So put your best face on everybody, pretend you know this song everybody.

*pulls out noose* "COME HANG!"

*pulls out gun* Let's go out with a bang... Bang- *gunshot*