Death jokes

What is the difference between a leaf falling from a tree and an emo falling from a tree?

The leaf falls to the ground, the emo just hangs there.

My dog died today. 😥

Me: "Cya"

Mom: "Where ya going?"

Me: "The orphanage to make yo mama jokes."

Mum: ...

Thanks to the voice who keeps telling me to let go,

he is my only motivation for trying again.

Being asked for advice after a failed suicide attempt:

"What advice do you have for people out there?"

As a suicide professional, don't try this at home.

John F. Kennedy may rest in pieces.

My grandfather said that ppl rely on technology too much these days, so I thought about what he said and decided to unplug his life support.

A leaf and an emo kid fall from a tree. Which one is gonna land first?

The leaf, because the rope stops the emo kid.

Your dad's hairline was so long that he died.

I stood on the edge of a building and someone yelled, "Do a flip!"..... and I did.

Why did the hedgehog cross the road?

To see his flat-mate.

Did you know that Stephen Hawking's death was an accident because he pressed "shut down" instead of "sleep mode?"

What's the difference between a dead body and a Lamborghini?

I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.

When's the best day to get the chair? Fry-day.

If you killed an orphan's family... oh wait!

My grandpa said this generation relies too much on tech, so I unplugged his life support.

What would you like as your last meal?

Fried chicken. Extra crispy.

I saw a helicopter fly. Next minute, I knew Kobe was on the news.

Friend 1: Did you?

Depressed friend 2: I didn't!

Friend one: Swear on your life!

Depressed friend 2: I swear.

A week later friend 2 dropped dead to their utter delight.

"Hey, I heard you were a bit down—where's John?"

"He died."

"Oh, I'm so sorry, but I got you food."

(After they eat) "Hey, how did John taste seasoned and cooked?"