Death jokes
What's the difference between apples and dead babies?
I don't ejaculate on apples before I eat them.
I don't like it when people make jokes about 9/11, because we lost 19 great patriots that day.
Where did Lucy go in the bombing... Everywhere.
R.I.P. on a tombstone normally means "Rest In Peace"; however, in Madeleine McCann's case, it means "Raped In Portugal".
Why did the frog cross the road?
To show his gang that he had guts.
Someone dies.
What do you call a pedophile who's dying? You.
Why did Sally fall off the swing? Because she had no arms.
Knock knock. Who's there? Not Sally.
What first went through Sally's head when the Nazis came? A bullet.
Where did Sally go when the bomb exploded? Everywhere.
What did Sally get for Christmas? A bike.
Why are there no women in the NFL?
Commissioner Roger Goodell firmly believes in equal opportunity, so the girl tries out. Then, if she makes the team, we gangbang her to death. I mean, could you imagine what a scary birch she'd have to be?
A man asked for poison and another man gave it to him. The first man took a sip and said, "hmmm, this tastes like arsenic." He took a sip of another and said, "hmmm, this tastes like cyanide. A very unpleasant taste that brings back memories."
People were scared of the alligator because it ate everyone, so they called for the water god Aquarius.
He said "Sea ya later, alligator!" and he drowned.
My grandpa died in 9/11. He was a great pilot.
I hate these double standards.
If you burn a body at a crematorium you're "doing a good job". If you do it at home you're "destroying evidence".
Famous last words: I COULD EAT THIS IN ONE BITE!
What is the difference between a Porsche and a pile of dead babies? I don't have a Porsche in my garage.
What did the first skeleton say to the second skeleton?
What do alcoholics and necrophiliacs have in common?
They both like cracking open a cold one.
What's the hardest line to draw in a hospital?
... A FLATLINE!
I took my girlfriend out the other day... Man, do I love being a sniper.
What do you call a dead woman in the back of your car?
Idk, I just have a couple in the backseat.