Death jokes

I stood on the edge of a building and someone yelled, "Do a flip!"..... and I did.

I saw a helicopter fly. Next minute, I knew Kobe was on the news.

Two scientists walk into a bar. The first one says: "I'll have some H2O."

The second one says: "I'll have some H2O, too." And then he died.

The emo girl got jealous that her phone died and not her.

What is a necrophile's least favorite game?

The Walking Dead.

Imagine. Kobe could not.

An apple and an emo are at the top of a tree, they both fall at the same time.

Who hit the ground first?

The apple won because the emo had forgotten to connect the internet.

Kobe was a bloody legend. Now he's just bloody.

Why do orphans die young?

The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

We thought that my mother died in the best way possible, during her sleep.

But when we did an autopsy on her, we saw she actually died in the worst way possible. During the autopsy.

A little girl said to her mom, "Mom, my butt's cracked, kiss it, kiss it!" Her mom said, "Sweetie, shut up, it's always been there!" Then her daughter died 'cause of her melodramaticness.

What do you get when you have a class of kids and a speeding car?

A 24 killstreak!

"Death to the west!"

I’ll never forget my dad’s last words. “Erase my search history, son.”

I'll never forget my grampa's last words, "Stop shaking the ladder, you cunt!"

"Knock, knock."

"Orphan: Who's there?"

"Not your parents."

I think about my life, and then I think about death. I prefer death. If you ask me, life is just a time when you die. Basically, death is life, meaningless 0-0.

I was in Afghanistan and I had been captured by the Taliban. I was going to get the death penalty.

Suddenly a man came out of nowhere and offered to take the penalty. It was my idolo Penaldo. He missed the penalty. Now I will die. Shame on u Penaldo!

Noose: "Hey man, wanna hang out?"

Corpse: "Sorry man, I'm dead inside."

Yo mama's so fat, Darth Vader wanted her to be the Death Star!