Death jokes

Orphan: My mommy and daddy love me.

Guy: Where are they then?

Orphan: In the eternal depths of [hell].

Life asked death, "Why do people choose you over me?"

Death replied, "Because you're the beautiful lie, and I'm the painful truth."

I've got an impressive record at Russian roulette. Retired after one loss ever.

I was at a concert in the front row, and I shouted something to the band's guitarist. He took it the wrong way and responded: "I'm going to go down there and hit you with my guitar!"

And I replied: "Is that a death fret?"

Prince, don't die! Just don't! Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaasse!

Give a man a potato, he is full for a day.

Give a man a poisoned potato, he'll be full for the rest of his life.

I was digging and found some gold. I was going to tell my mom, then I remembered why I was digging.

Bf: Babe, do you love me?

Gf: Of course, why do you ask?

Bf: I heard that your mom passed away, and I went to pick some roses for you to try to cheer you up, and then I remembered why I went to the garden.

What did one ghost say to the other?

"Get a life!"

My mom told me to unplug all the electronics, so I unplugged my grandma's life support.

What instruments do skeletons like to play?

Trombones.

Looks like McSkillet McKilledIt.

What did the first skeleton say to the second skeleton?

What's a skeleton's favorite instrument?

A tromboner.

What's the funniest thing about being ringside at a UFC fight?

When you look around and all of the spectators are wearing white gowns and fuzzy socks, and you realize you aren't at a UFC event, you're watching your fellow patients fight to the death at a psychiatric facility.

Why didn't the chicken cross the road?

He got hit!

Why couldn't the T-rex clap his hands?

Because he's dead.

Stephen Hawking died because he tried downloading a free version of Windows 10.

I am a dead baby. -end joke-

Did you know that lots of graves are put in churchyards?

Yeah, they're pretty holey.