Death jokes
Life asked death, "Why do people choose you over me?"
Death replied, "Because you're the beautiful lie, and I'm the painful truth."
I've got an impressive record at Russian roulette. Retired after one loss ever.
Orphan: My mommy and daddy love me.
Guy: Where are they then?
Orphan: In the eternal depths of [hell].
What did one skeleton say to another?
...nothing... they are dead... what did you expect?
If you give Kobe Bryant a cigarette, he will be warm for a short time.
But he was set on fire in the helicopter crash, so now he's warm for the rest of his life.
Memes
VAPING IS ALSO BAD
My dad died in 9/11... He was the best pilot I know.
April Fool's Day: Go tell an orphan their parents are back.
Orphan: Where... Oh.
Dad: Boy, come sit in this hole while I brace the ground.
Boy: I don't want to see Grandpa, he scares me!
1, 2, 3, 4, 5. I'm old enough to drive, for now I'm still alive, till I crash in that beehive!
Give a man a potato, he is full for a day.
Give a man a poisoned potato, he'll be full for the rest of his life.
I was at a concert in the front row, and I shouted something to the band's guitarist. He took it the wrong way and responded: "I'm going to go down there and hit you with my guitar!"
And I replied: "Is that a death fret?"
Prince, don't die! Just don't! Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaasse!
What did one ghost say to the other?
"Get a life!"
What is the difference between George Floyd and Kobe?
Kobe got air.
My mom told me to unplug all the electronics, so I unplugged my grandma's life support.
What instruments do skeletons like to play?
Trombones.
Whoever said that about me better pray!
So put your best face on everybody, pretend you know this song everybody.
*pulls out noose* "COME HANG!"
*pulls out gun* Let's go out with a bang... Bang- *gunshot*
Bf: Babe, do you love me?
Gf: Of course, why do you ask?
Bf: I heard that your mom passed away, and I went to pick some roses for you to try to cheer you up, and then I remembered why I went to the garden.
-->[]life death[]<--