Death jokes
Did you hear about the young man who brought floral arrangements in the shape of a life jacket on his friend’s funeral who drowned last week?
Everyone was furious, but he explained, “It’s what he would have wanted.”
Why did the emo kids stop going to their favorite tree?
It died before them.
Did you know Paul Walker was a method actor? He took his role very seriously as a human torch.
I feel bad for the kids at Sandy Hook. All they wanted was books, but got magazines instead.
What’s the difference between a fly and Lady Diana?
The sound when they hit the windshield.
What's the similarity between Christmas stuffing and my penis?
I like them both inside dead animals, because alive animals feel too much like men, and then I'd cum too quick.
Yo mama so fat that she would die before reaching the gates of heaven.
As the Navy SEALs burst into Osama Bin Laden's room in his Pakistani compound, his last dying words forever rang in the ears of the SEALs...
"It was just a prank bro."
What song does Kobe Bryant hate?
"Rocky Mountain High."
I hope I die peacefully in my sleep like my mother.
Not screaming like her passengers.
Imagine saying "my bad" instead of "sorry for your loss" at a funeral.
What song do you play at a emo kid's funeral?
House of Pain—"Jump Around."
Did you know your pupils are the last part to stop working when you die? They dilate.
My grandma always looks at me when we go to a wedding and says, "You’re next!"
When we attend a funeral, I say, "You’re next!"
I wonder if Kobe Bryant enjoyed his last flight.
Attended my boss's funeral to pay my respects. On my way out, I leaned over his casket and whispered lightly, "Well, look who's thinking outside the box now."
What’s black and white and red all over?
A crushed nun!
What’s that black stuff between an elephants toes?
Slow natives.
What do you call it when Panera Bread decapitates someone?
Panera Behead.
What has 4 wheels, no wings, and flies?
A dead cripple.
What do you call plane crash victims?
Down to earth people.