Death jokes

Why did the hedgehog cross the road?

To see his flat-mate.

Did you know that Stephen Hawking's death was an accident because he pressed "shut down" instead of "sleep mode?"

I once told an orphan to go big or go home. He replied, "I can't get home; it got bombed."

When's the best day to get the chair? Fry-day.

Why did Princess Diana cross the road?

'Cause she didn't wear a seatbelt.

I was digging and found some gold. I was going to tell my mom, then I remembered why I was digging.

My dad died in 9/11... He was the best pilot I know.

April Fool's Day: Go tell an orphan their parents are back.

Orphan: Where... Oh.

I've got an impressive record at Russian roulette. Retired after one loss ever.

If you give Kobe Bryant a cigarette, he will be warm for a short time.

But he was set on fire in the helicopter crash, so now he's warm for the rest of his life.

What did one skeleton say to another?

...nothing... they are dead... what did you expect?

Where do you find an orphan? Just look for your mum.

What is hard to find but easy to make?

An orphan.

Whoever said that about me better pray!

So put your best face on everybody, pretend you know this song everybody.

*pulls out noose* "COME HANG!"

*pulls out gun* Let's go out with a bang... Bang- *gunshot*

Orphan: My mommy and daddy love me.

Guy: Where are they then?

Orphan: In the eternal depths of [hell].

Dad: Boy, come sit in this hole while I brace the ground.

Boy: I don't want to see Grandpa, he scares me!

You're so ugly that I choked and died.

My grandpa died in 9/11. He was a great pilot.

What's the difference between an orgy and mass suicide?

When exactly my cult members drink the Kool-Aid.