Death jokes

I'm dead serious about Kobe: Kobe in heaven...

If Bruce Willis (the guy in the Christmas movie Die Hard) dies of a Viagra overdose, would that mean he truly dies hard?

There's two reasons guys will hang themselves from the neck.

One is to escape the worthless masquerade of a life we pretend we have, and the second reason is to whack off.

Orphan: My mommy and daddy love me.

Guy: Where are they then?

Orphan: In the eternal depths of [hell].

Where do you find an orphan? Just look for your mum.

I was digging and found some gold. I was going to tell my mom, then I remembered why I was digging.

Whoever said that about me better pray!

So put your best face on everybody, pretend you know this song everybody.

*pulls out noose* "COME HANG!"

*pulls out gun* Let's go out with a bang... Bang- *gunshot*

What did one skeleton say to another?

...nothing... they are dead... what did you expect?

Give a man a potato, he is full for a day.

Give a man a poisoned potato, he'll be full for the rest of his life.

What is hard to find but easy to make?

An orphan.

Q: What was the last thing Kurt Cobain said to Courtney Love before he died?

A: “Holes gonna be big.”

If you give Kobe Bryant a cigarette, he will be warm for a short time.

But he was set on fire in the helicopter crash, so now he's warm for the rest of his life.

What instruments do skeletons like to play?

Trombones.

Dad: Boy, come sit in this hole while I brace the ground.

Boy: I don't want to see Grandpa, he scares me!

Life asked death, "Why do people choose you over me?"

Death replied, "Because you're the beautiful lie, and I'm the painful truth."

I've got an impressive record at Russian roulette. Retired after one loss ever.

My dad died in 9/11... He was the best pilot I know.

April Fool's Day: Go tell an orphan their parents are back.

Orphan: Where... Oh.

My jokes are pretty "bone-arifick," if I say so myself. Hehhehe... Get it?