Death jokes
Jesus has died on the cross to take away our sins. He has all power, but he won’t abuse it. He will help us through tough times. Have you ever felt that feeling in you that something is a bad idea? That’s Jesus. He is the savior and never let anyone say different.
Our Lord will watch us. We will go to Heaven, the promised land, only as long as we believe he’s real and always here. Don’t let anyone speak less and make you disbelieve in our Lord. This is your choice: believe and go to Heaven, or don’t believe and go to Hell, an eternal death. Make a choice.
I'll always remember my grandpa's last words.
"Are you getting the knife?"
Two scientists walk into a bar. One says, "I want h20." The other said, "I want h20, too." The second scientist died.
Why are orphans good at dodge ball?
No one misses them.
So I was on Google, and on my computer it had Windows. When Stephen Hawking died, it shut down, the shutdown sound played, and wouldn't turn on again.
I guess you can say he xxxpired.
Did you know that when pigeons have sex, they die?
Really?
Well, the one I fucked did.
What’s something you can say at the funeral but also in bed?
"Damn, that's really stiff!"
An apple and an emo girl fall from the same height in a tree. Which one hits the ground first? The apple, cuz the noose stops her.
What kind of coffee do they serve at funerals?
Burial grounds.
How did a blonde commit suicide?
She jumped from the basement window.
I have an EpiPen.
My friend gave it to me when he was dying.
It seemed really important to him that I have it.
Why did Mimi cross the road?
She had cancer.
A man went into a library and asked for a book on how to do suicide, and the librarian said, "Fuck off, you won't bring it back."
What's cold, blue and makes women cry?
Cot death.
Do you know why the Royal family can no longer play Monopoly?
How do you think Princess Diana died?
...Too soon?
Technoblade: I'm the second worst thing to ever happen to those orphans.
Quackity: What is the first thing to ever happen to the orphans???
Technoblade: Quackity..... they're orphans.
(Disclaimer: not funny xD)
Today I went to the doctor for a test, and he said I have 10 months to live.
So later that day I stabbed him to death, and the judge sentenced me for 15 years in prison. Problem solved!
Kid walks in the door. "Mommy and Daddy, I'm home." Mommy and Daddy meanwhile in their room moaning. Kid runs to them thinking they're hurt and sees something he definitely shouldn't have.
10 minutes later, [he] kills himself.
What's the difference between a dead baby and a slice of pizza?
A dead baby can't feed a family.