Death jokes

What do you call an orphan living with ghosts?

"Him and his dead family." :(

The Earth was flat until they buried you.

A man ate a glue stick. It tasted bad. He died. Hahahahah!

What if plants are farming us, giving us oxygen until we die, and turn into natural fertilizer which helps them?

When I finished high school, I wanted to take my graduation money and buy myself a motorcycle, but my mom said no.

See, she had a brother who died in a horrible motorcycle accident when he was eighteen, and I could just have his motorcycle.

Why did the orphan cross the road?

To reunite with his parents.

I can't tell what's farther, the Great Wall of China, or how far Paul Walker flew out of his windshield.

Where did Suzy go during the bombing?

Everywhere.

I would make a joke about Kobe, but I don't think it would fly very well.

My grandfather says I’m too reliant on technology. I call him a hypocrite and unplug his life support. 😄😆🔥👍

My therapist said to try having a different outlook on life.

I agree. I should have a different outlook on life. Preferably from underground.

I would say something funny, but I would have to dig someone up.

While writing my suicide note, I got a paper cut... it’s a start.

This 15-year-old girl wanted a cross on her room with a long nail on the end over her bed. Unfortunately, it killed her dad because it fell off the wall.

(Do you get the joke?)

(Her dad was on her, and it fell and killed him.)

Roses are blood red, violets are twilight-hued oh how I wish I was dead so that I no longer have to brood.

Death would be a reprieve as I would no longer have to be true, and I would no longer have to be around any of you.

Luigi was dying and had two sons. Bruno was handsome, but Alberto was ugly.

He said, "Maria, tell me, is Alberto my son?"

"Yes, Luigi," his wife said, and he died happily.

Wife said, "Thank God he didn’t ask about the other one!"

What do you call it when you're dead because of that one drink in Panera Bread? Panera dead.

What’s the difference between the baby I just stabbed and Isaac Newton?

Isaac Newton died a virgin.

Jesus tried solving the Rubik's cube,

but died on the cross.

As I grow older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe tour guide wasn't the right career choice for me...