Stephen Hawking didn't die, he just uploaded himself to the 'net...
Death Jokes
Stephen Hawking died because he was too far away from the Wi-Fi router.
Is Stephen Hawking a physicist now?
No, because he is dead.
Stephen Hawking isn't actually dead. He is just having an update.
You know how we all have different sides? Well, I have a suicidal side. (Here a bang in the next room.) Oh well, not anymore :)
When I die, I want to be shot out of a cannon.
And into a children's birthday party.
A woman delivers a baby. The doctor takes the baby and throws it, smashing it around the hospital room, drop-kicking it, etc. The mother starts freaking out, being held back by nurses, begging “WHYYYY!!??”. The doctor holds the baby upside down by the ankle and says “I’m just fucking with you, it was born dead”.
A woman prayed to be a mother everyday for many years until she crossed a road without looking and got hit by a woman driver and died.
When she met God, she asked Him, "How come you didn't answer my prayers?"
God replied, "I did. I kept sending men to rape you, but you kept on choosing to destroy my creations by having an abortion."
What is George Floyd's pickup line?
You are breathtaking.
TommyInnit said, "Long live the Queen." Look at where she's at now.
This joke is unavailable due to the National Period of Mourning. Please return to this page on the 19th of September.
R.I.P. Queen Elizabeth II. 1926-2022.
Where do orphans have their family reunions?
The graveyard.
How do you save your wife from drowning?
Take your foot off her neck.
People need to stop taking life so seriously. After all, no one gets out alive!
Why did the kid drop his ice cream cone?
He got ran over by a bus.
Two of my grandpas died in WW2.
Their tower fell over.
Why did Michael Jackson die?
Because I have a new phone number, and he does not know.
A man drinks beer and jumps off a tower, and he's okay. The other guy says, "Whoa, how'd you do that?"
He does it again, so the guy gets a beer, the same beer, and jumps off. He died.
The bartender looks at the original man who jumped off and says, "Superman, you're a real butthole whenever you're drunk."
Anyone got any good Floyd jokes? I really need them to take my breath away.
1.) What’s yellow and can’t swim?
- A bus full of children.
2.) Did you hear about the Pillsbury Dough Boy?
- He died of a yeast infection.
3.) I will never forget my grandad’s last words...
- “You’re still holding the ladder, right?”
4.) I have a fish that can breakdance...
- Only for 20 seconds though, and only once.
5.) Give a man a match and he will be warm for a few hours...
- Light a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
