Death jokes
I hate these double standards.
Burn a body at a crematorium and you're doing a good thing, burn a body at home and you're destroying evidence.
My aunt’s star sign is Cancer, so it’s pretty ironic how she died. She was eaten alive by a giant freaking crab!
What do you call it when you're dead because of that one drink in Panera Bread? Panera dead.
Do you know the number one cause of death for lesbians?
Getting your fingers stuck in there.
Jesus tried solving the Rubik's cube,
but died on the cross.
What’s the difference between the baby I just stabbed and Isaac Newton?
Isaac Newton died a virgin.
What does RIP stand for on Maddie's head stone?
Raped in Portugal!
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get hit by a bus.
If at first you don't succeed, oh well, so much for skydiving.
Roses are red, violets are blue, if you play Fortnite, then R.I.P. you.
I had a friend who got shot in the head.
Guess you could say he was...
Blown Away!
If a baby dies in the womb, is it considered suicide?
What do you call someone who gets killed at 12 o'clock on New Year's? First kill of the match.
How do you know all suicide bombers self-identify as being old?
They are all boomers in the end.
Why did no one turn up to John's funeral?
Because Sally wrote the invitations!
Why are orphans sad?
Don't ask, or their parents may... oh wait, carry on.
Why are orphans so bad at learning about ancient Egypt? They don't know what mummies are.
I bought a new shotgun the other day. Want to know what I called it?
Kurt Cobain's microphone.
Why did the orphan cross the road?
To reunite with his parents.
I can't tell what's farther, the Great Wall of China, or how far Paul Walker flew out of his windshield.