Death jokes

What do you call someone who gets killed at 12 o'clock on New Year's? First kill of the match.

If you give a man a match, he is warm for the night, but if you light a man on fire, he will be warm for the rest of his life. :)

Mom died, so I planted mums and forget-me-nots all over her grave site.

Why did the emo kid try [to] high five the tree?

So it can hang him.

It hasn't been the same since Kobe died. I can't say "Kobe" anymore when going to shoot a shot. Now I have to say, "Kobe crash!"

I would tell a Koby joke...

But it would just crash and burn.

What do you call an orphan living with ghosts?

"Him and his dead family." :(

I would make a joke about Kobe, but I don't think it would fly very well.

My grandfather says I’m too reliant on technology. I call him a hypocrite and unplug his life support. 😄😆🔥👍

I would say something funny, but I would have to dig someone up.

This 15-year-old girl wanted a cross on her room with a long nail on the end over her bed. Unfortunately, it killed her dad because it fell off the wall.

(Do you get the joke?)

(Her dad was on her, and it fell and killed him.)

My therapist said to try having a different outlook on life.

I agree. I should have a different outlook on life. Preferably from underground.

I'll turn ya nan into bonemeal.

While writing my suicide note, I got a paper cut... it’s a start.

Roses are blood red, violets are twilight-hued oh how I wish I was dead so that I no longer have to brood.

Death would be a reprieve as I would no longer have to be true, and I would no longer have to be around any of you.

Luigi was dying and had two sons. Bruno was handsome, but Alberto was ugly.

He said, "Maria, tell me, is Alberto my son?"

"Yes, Luigi," his wife said, and he died happily.

Wife said, "Thank God he didn’t ask about the other one!"

How do you know all suicide bombers self-identify as being old?

They are all boomers in the end.

If at first you don't succeed, oh well, so much for skydiving.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get hit by a bus.

What does RIP stand for on Maddie's head stone?

Raped in Portugal!