Death jokes
I had a friend who got shot in the head.
Guess you could say he was...
Blown Away!
If a baby dies in the womb, is it considered suicide?
While writing my suicide note, I got a paper cut... it’s a start.
I bought a new shotgun the other day. Want to know what I called it?
Kurt Cobain's microphone.
Roses are blood red, violets are twilight-hued oh how I wish I was dead so that I no longer have to brood.
Death would be a reprieve as I would no longer have to be true, and I would no longer have to be around any of you.
Luigi was dying and had two sons. Bruno was handsome, but Alberto was ugly.
He said, "Maria, tell me, is Alberto my son?"
"Yes, Luigi," his wife said, and he died happily.
Wife said, "Thank God he didn’t ask about the other one!"
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get hit by a bus.
If at first you don't succeed, oh well, so much for skydiving.
Roses are red, violets are blue, if you play Fortnite, then R.I.P. you.
What does RIP stand for on Maddie's head stone?
Raped in Portugal!
I would tell a Koby joke...
But it would just crash and burn.
It hasn't been the same since Kobe died. I can't say "Kobe" anymore when going to shoot a shot. Now I have to say, "Kobe crash!"
Why did no one turn up to John's funeral?
Because Sally wrote the invitations!
What do you call someone who gets killed at 12 o'clock on New Year's? First kill of the match.
How do you know all suicide bombers self-identify as being old?
They are all boomers in the end.
Why are orphans so bad at learning about ancient Egypt? They don't know what mummies are.
Why are orphans sad?
Don't ask, or their parents may... oh wait, carry on.
"Go big or go home," that’s what some people say.
"Go loud and proud," that’s what other people say.
"Go out with a big, loud bang!" that’s what I say.
What if plants are farming us, giving us oxygen until we die, and turn into natural fertilizer which helps them?
When I finished high school, I wanted to take my graduation money and buy myself a motorcycle, but my mom said no.
See, she had a brother who died in a horrible motorcycle accident when he was eighteen, and I could just have his motorcycle.