Death jokes
Why did Steven Hawkins die?
Because he got a virus.
What is George Floyd's pickup line?
You are breathtaking.
What goes pop pop sizzle sizzle?
Two dead babies in an acid bath.
I walk in from work to find my wife dead on the sofa.
As I unzip for one last ride, she says, "BOO!" What kind of sick fuck does that?
What's yellow and can't swim? My mom on Halloween.
Memes
Why did the dead baby cross the road?
It was strapped to the chicken.
I like my women like I like my coffee: nice, fresh, and dead.
My infant drew on the walls today, but I don’t know how to punish them. So I think I’ll sleep on it.
A friend texts to another:
"Hey." They reply, "What's up?"
The first friend then replies with a simple answer, "The sky!" But the other friend intervenes and says, "No, it's the ceiling!"
To then the first friend finishes the greeting with, "Unless you're homeless or six feet under."
What is the difference between Sir Isaac Newton and the baby I just stabbed?
Sir Isaac Newton died a virgin.
Why do you put a baby in a blender feet first?
So you can see the look on its face as you climax.
Why couldn't the rape victim run away?
Because she was dead.
What's funnier than a dead baby?
A dead baby in a clown suit.
There will be no school shooter joke today in honor of the 10 people killed in the Colorado grocery store shooting. R.I.P.
People see this Rolex and they kill themselves.
Motherfucker, that's a suicide watch!
Where do you take Stephen Hawking when he dies?
The Apple repair store.
Who are the world's fastest readers?
9/11 victims. 100 stories in 11 seconds.
I wonder if Stephen Hawking heard the song "Gangster's Paradise." Oh, shit, he can't!
Why did the monkey fall from the tree? Because he was dead.
What's the difference between a million dollars and a million dead babies?
I don't have a million dollars laying around my house.