Death jokes
My uncle died on September 11. He was the greatest pilot in all of Saudi Arabia.
I showed my girlfriend my shotgun yesterday. It really blew her away.
1.) What’s yellow and can’t swim?
- A bus full of children.
2.) Did you hear about the Pillsbury Dough Boy?
- He died of a yeast infection.
3.) I will never forget my grandad’s last words...
- “You’re still holding the ladder, right?”
4.) I have a fish that can breakdance...
- Only for 20 seconds though, and only once.
5.) Give a man a match and he will be warm for a few hours...
- Light a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
Cremation,
The last chance for a smoking hot body.
Gwen, we can chat in 2 months. My aunt just died from COVID, and it is taking forever for us to get there to California. I love you, your boyfriend, Prince!
Why do old people swallow popcorn kernels?
To make their cremation more entertaining when they die.
A guy went to a bar and said to a friend that he found a girl on the railroads and said they had the best sex ever.
His friend asked, "Did you get any head?"
The guy said, "No, I couldn't find it."
"Kobe is known for fade aways too bad he faded away."
Why did the orphan cross the road and stop in a lane? To get run over.
dont make jokes about the accident my dad died in it he was the best pilot in all of Saudi Arabia :(
Imagine losing your child in WW2 and your son fucking respawns, so you tell him off for not getting enough kills.
What do school shooting jokes and school shooting victims have in common? They never get old.
If a person shoots a person about to commit suicide, is it making it less painful, or is it murder?
Wanna hear some famous last words?
"We are just experiencing some turbulence."
[being buried alive]
Murderer: *out of breath* How are you eating the dirt so quickly?
So, I’m not sure if it’s a joke, but I thought it was funny. So imagine you try to die by shooting yourself, but you sneeze and pull the trigger... I don't know about you, but I would’ve been mad. Because wtf, I wasn’t readyyyy!
My fifth wife asked me to help her dig in the garden. Here we go again.
Are you suicide? Cause I'm tryna commit to you.
A 6-year-old girl decides to get baptized. She walks into the water of the river. Unfortunately, the pastor was drunk. The pastor put her in the water and dunked her under. The drunken man then forgot to bring her up from the water. The poor girl drowned and died...
Later on, when the pastor was better and thrown in jail, all he had to say to the mortified family was, “Well, at least she’s in heaven!”
You see a cat, it's dead, you are dead.