Death jokes
What happens when Stephen Hawking dies?
The Windows shutdown sound plays.
Today, I operated on a little girl. She needed O-negative blood. We didn’t have any, but her twin sister has O-negative blood. I explained to her that it was a matter of life and death. She sat quietly for a moment, and then said goodbye to her parents. I didn’t think anything of it until after we took her blood and she asked, “So when will I die?” She thought she was going to give her life for her sister. Thankfully they both died.
if a toy from Toy Story died, the kid wouldn't know, and the other toys would just have to watch as their kid played with the corpse.
I don't have much motivation for things, that's why I haven't yet killed myself, hehe.
Stephen Hawking didn’t die naturally, his carer just forgot to put him on charge.
experiment
Penis, neck, rope?
What is a necrophiliac's favorite candy? A Hearsey's Kiss.
The reason he died is that they accidentally flipped the wrong light switch.
Q: Mummy, how do most stars die?
A: From an overdose.
Yeah man! Life is wonderful! But, when you realize all of the ones you loved were fake.
And when you die, does your online friends notice? How will they notice? Or will they ever notice? Is 13 age too young for dying? Am I just paranoid? I'm scared.
What does a pregnant teen and an aborted child have in common?
They both say, “My mom's gonna kill me!”
Chris Benoit is like a depressed orphan because he killed his family.
I was wearing a George Floyd t-shirt, and a person said to me: "That must be a bit tight round the neck."
My first thought when I read Betty Pear's obituary was, "Thank God for Alzheimer's!"
One night, I saw a woman sitting behind a dumpster. So I took her home. We talked all the way there. When we got home, I gave her a bath. Later on, things started getting passionate. We started doing intercourse, and some of the noises she made you would have thought she was still alive!
When I grow up, I wanna be like Lil Peep... Dead.
Once upon a time, there was a man named Daniel. He was blind and deaf, and he worked at a morgue.
So, one time poor Dan got confused and started having sex with the rotting corpse.
He then came home and thought he was at the morgue, so he started disintegrating his sleeping wife.
Orphan: Hey, where's the milk?
Dad: . . .
What did Cermet the frog say at Jim Henson's funeral?
Nothing...
What do you call a dead fly? -- A flew.