Death jokes
How many dead babies does it take to put in a new light bulb? Not thirteen, cuz my basement is still dark. Let's try fourteen.
What is killing your friend called?
A homie-side.
I saw my wife at the dam yesterday. Drat. I was hoping she might float a bit more downstream.
A 6-year-old girl decides to get baptized. She walks into the water of the river. Unfortunately, the pastor was drunk. The pastor put her in the water and dunked her under. The drunken man then forgot to bring her up from the water. The poor girl drowned and died...
Later on, when the pastor was better and thrown in jail, all he had to say to the mortified family was, “Well, at least she’s in heaven!”
Why did the orphan commit suicide?
So he could find home.
Yo people!
Little Johnny's actually dead!
I'll always remember my dad's last words... "Why do you have an axe? We live in the city!"
What keeps an emo kid from hitting the ground?
The rope.
How can you tell if your husband is dead?
The sex is the same, but you get to use the remote.
Why do old people swallow popcorn kernels?
To make their cremation more entertaining when they die.
What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
I asked my girlfriend if she wanted to join my family tree... She dropped the rope and ran.
How Steven Hawking died: because he moved too much during the day and ran out of juice.
So I told an orphan to slap themselves until they are wanted. I came back the next day to see them slapping themselves. Then I stopped them and told them to punch themselves.
The next day I saw a dead orphan.
Five out of six people agree that Russian Roulette is safe.
Imagine if on April first the government says, "Hahhaha, you all fell for it. Covid-19 is fake; we actually killed all those people, lol."
Why didn't the child go to school?
Because he died of a heroin overdose.
"Suicide is a murder, and my body should go to jail."
Why did Paul Walker cross the street?
Because he wasn't wearing his seatbelt.
While writing my suicide note, I got a paper cut... it’s a start.