Death jokes
So my depressed friend wanted to high-five the tree by the cemetery.
The tree left him hanging though.
I wasn't close to my dad when he died.
Which was good, he died to a landmine.
Al Fayed’s son arrives at heaven’s gates and sees his driver.
He shouts “you stupid cunt!”
The driver says, “Watch, Boss?”
Dodi replies...:
“I said I WANT TO FUCK DI IN THE TUNNEL NOT FUCKING DIE IN THE TUNNEL!”
Soldiers, there is one thing you can be sure of: You will be at home with your families, in a jar on the mantelpiece.
A guy walks to his friend's house. His friend says, "Where is your girlfriend?" The guy says, "Meet me at the cemetery in a week."
Memes
rip my bird he died :(
Why did the orphan cross the road?
To find their parents.
What happened to the chicken after he died? He did not say anything, so I don't know.
Mom: I was an orphan once. The kid: Oh, ok, idgaf. Mom: And you're gonna be too! :) The kid: Ok, idgaf- WAIT WHAT THE FU-
What's red all over and spins at 100 mps?
Baby in a blender.
What does a bullet and milk have in common? They both take out your dad.
Why did Ten die?
It was between 9/11.
What hood do zombies come from?
Dead Ends.
"If all of these structures break we will all die."
And I said, "Hey, that is not supportive!"
And he said, "It would be breaking news."
Don't leave us hanging, Sayori.
You should never leave a man hanging.
Unless they are still alive.
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
He didn't have the guts.
There were 3 blonde scientists...wait that’s not the joke. The first one said “we are going to pilot the first unmanned spacecraft to land on the sun.”
The second one said “but we can’t do that - if we get within 5 feet of the sun we’ll freeze to death!”
The third blonde says “so we go at night.”
My departed uncle was a circus clown before he died.
So all his friends came in one car.
A cat gets its tail run over, and its mother assured him it’ll be okay. “You just have to stay PAW-sitive!”
The mother was later killed in her sleep because her son hates puns. At the funeral, one of her daughters said, “You have CAT to be KITTEN me right MEOW!”
Guess who dies next.
What did Stevie Wonder see when he got murdered?
Nothing.