Death jokes

What do you do after fucking the loosest pussy ever?

Close the casket.

What happened after George Floyd went to the drugstore to buy Zicam Extreme Congestion Relief?

George Floyd was able to breathe again.

George Floyd was in a TV show, Fresh Prince, with no air.

Why can't Juice WRLD hit rock bottom?

Because he's too high.

There were 3 blonde scientists...wait that’s not the joke. The first one said “we are going to pilot the first unmanned spacecraft to land on the sun.”

The second one said “but we can’t do that - if we get within 5 feet of the sun we’ll freeze to death!”

The third blonde says “so we go at night.”

My departed uncle was a circus clown before he died.

So all his friends came in one car.

A cat gets its tail run over, and its mother assured him it’ll be okay. “You just have to stay PAW-sitive!”

The mother was later killed in her sleep because her son hates puns. At the funeral, one of her daughters said, “You have CAT to be KITTEN me right MEOW!”

Guess who dies next.

Why does the orphan commit suicide to join the other side to see their parents?

"Abortion: Another word for dying at spawn."

What did Stevie Wonder see when he got murdered?

Nothing.

Why did Princess Diana cross the road?

She forgot to put her seatbelt on.

How did the lesbian die? Homicide.

A few days after her husband’s death, a widow accidentally receives an email from a man waiting for his wife in Spain.

The email reads: "Dearest Wife, just got checked in. Everything [is] prepared for your arrival tomorrow. P. S. It’s really hot down here!"

Me: I saw your parents yesterday.

Orphan girl: Where?

Me: The coffin was still open.

People should build orphanages next to graveyards so at least orphans can see their parents.

When your baby is stillborn and you have a funeral, what song should you never play?

Alphaville - "Forever Young."

What's the difference between Derek Boogaard and Kurt Cobain? Nothing, they were both fucked in the brain when they died.

Why did Stephen Hawking die? ... Because he pressed "shut down" instead of "sleep."

Farrah Fawcett, upon arriving at the pearly gates, God asked her, for having led such an honest life, to grant her one wish. Farrah simply requested that the children of the world would be safe.

Five hours later, Michael Jackson died.

A guy was dying after getting stabbed in a church. He said to the priest, "Please say a prayer for me," and the priest said, "I ain’t got nun left." Then he died.