Death jokes
Two men are in a rainforest, and one of them is peeing. Suddenly, a snake jumps out of some bushes and bites the man’s penis. The other man says, “Oh my God, I will go to a doctor immediately!” He didn’t have enough time to load the man into the car, so he went straight to the hospital. The man told the doctor what happened, and the doctor said, “You will have to make an incision at the wound and suck the poison out.” The man went back to the other man and said, “There is no hope, you will die.”
I got a heart pain then I went to [the] hospital. When the doctor says I am dead, but I run then I jump. I am not dead!
I will remember my biker buddy's last words: "Why did you cut in front of me?"
When you're depressed about the world :( but you remember you will soon die :)
I have a question: Does aging affect corpses, too?
Just asking to know if I still count as a pedophile or not!
What did the cannibal do after he dumped his wife?
He wiped.
I told a joke to a guy who had jumped off a bridge... He was in bits! 🤣🤦♂️
What’s the worst part about a dead prostitute?
You end up doing all the work.
A suicide bomber's biggest fear is dying alone.
How do you make a baby survive a fall of over 300 metres?
I don't know. I've dropped dozens off the Empire State Building and none have lived.
A favorite childhood memory was building sandcastles with my grandfather, that is until my mom took the urn away from me.
Why don't a gun and an orphan have anything in common? The gun is actually useful.
Me: I asked an orphan where his parents were. I also said that I promised to take him to them.
Orphan: They're dead.
Me: A promise made is a promise kept.
I went to school and everyone was screaming and looking at me. They weren't after I shot them, though.
What's black, white, and red all over?
Lossvagus school shooting.
What do you call a depressed emo? Dead.
The whole reason he is dead is because he kept hitting "Remind me later" on his Windows Updates.
How are school shooting victims and school shooting jokes similar? They never get old.
Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle? Because his wife died.
I wish you guys all died.