Death jokes
You could say Kobe's career went up in smoke.
A guy was dying after getting stabbed in a church. He said to the priest, "Please say a prayer for me," and the priest said, "I ain’t got nun left." Then he died.
Did the tree high five the emos?
No, he just left them hanging.
Coworker: Knock knock.
Orphan: Who's there?
Coworker: Not your parents.
Roses are red, violets are blue, you know what else is violent? Suicide with me and you.
What's the worst thing you can say to a widow?
"I'm sorry, I just had to."
I wish that when Mario dies to some random object, I died too.
If an apple and an emo kid fell out of a tree, which would hit the ground first?
The apple, because the rope caught the emo kid.
A feather and a depressed boy fell at the same time, which one hits the ground first?
The feather, because the rope stopped the child.
My ex died in an anchorage accident.
She always was a sleeping hooker.
I come in from work to see my wife dead on the sofa. As I unzip for one last ride, she says, "BOO!" What kind of a dick fuck does that!
A priest asks a convicted murderer on the electric chair, "Do you have any last request?"
"Yes," said the murderer, "Will you hold my hand?"
Why did the orphan fall off the mountain? Because his parents let go.
Beneath this monumental stone Lise, 80 pounds of skin and bone.
A kid had school today.
He was late every single day. He said in his mind, "I wish I can go to school again." What happened? It's obvious...... He died :)
Knock knock.
Orphan: Who's there?
Not your parents.
From your Dad.
I won’t be back for a while, it’s a very long line.
Do you have a halo, cause I can give you one.
What’s the worst thing about being suicidal?
The school shooter will always spare you.
When your baby is stillborn and you have a funeral, what song should you never play?
Alphaville - "Forever Young."