Death jokes
"Abortion: Another word for dying at spawn."
Why does the orphan commit suicide to join the other side to see their parents?
Why did Princess Diana cross the road?
She forgot to put her seatbelt on.
What’s the worst thing about being suicidal?
The school shooter will always spare you.
I'll never forget my dad's last words before he kicked the bucket: "Hey, look how far I can kick this bucket!"
Memes
A few days after her husband’s death, a widow accidentally receives an email from a man waiting for his wife in Spain.
The email reads: "Dearest Wife, just got checked in. Everything [is] prepared for your arrival tomorrow. P. S. It’s really hot down here!"
What's the difference between Derek Boogaard and Kurt Cobain? Nothing, they were both fucked in the brain when they died.
When your baby is stillborn and you have a funeral, what song should you never play?
Alphaville - "Forever Young."
People should build orphanages next to graveyards so at least orphans can see their parents.
Me: I saw your parents yesterday.
Orphan girl: Where?
Me: The coffin was still open.
Yesterday I saw an orphan walking down the street. I asked him if he was ok. He said no, so I asked him if he needed help. And he said yes, so I let him in my car and said, "Don't worry, you'll be home with your parents soon." He said my parents died. I said I know.
Why did Stephen Hawking die? ... Because he pressed "shut down" instead of "sleep."
I still remember my dad's last words: "Don't worry son, Allah will be pleased."
How did Stephen Hawking die?
His core i5 Overheated. XD
Roses are red, violets are blue, you know what else is violent? Suicide with me and you.
Coworker: Knock knock.
Orphan: Who's there?
Coworker: Not your parents.
What is the difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body?
I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.
Why can't depressed people make depression jokes? Because they can't talk if they are dead.
Did the tree high five the emos?
No, he just left them hanging.
You could say Kobe's career went up in smoke.