I come in from work to see my wife dead on the sofa. As I unzip for one last ride, she says, "BOO!" What kind of a dick fuck does that!
Death Jokes
A priest asks a convicted murderer on the electric chair, "Do you have any last request?"
"Yes," said the murderer, "Will you hold my hand?"
Why did the orphan fall off the mountain? Because his parents let go.
Beneath this monumental stone Lise, 80 pounds of skin and bone.
A kid had school today.
He was late every single day. He said in his mind, "I wish I can go to school again." What happened? It's obvious...... He died :)
Knock knock.
Orphan: Who's there?
Not your parents.
From your Dad.
I won’t be back for a while, it’s a very long line.
Do you have a halo, cause I can give you one.
Jesus tried solving the Rubik's cube,
but died on the cross.
What’s the worst thing about being suicidal?
The school shooter will always spare you.
When your baby is stillborn and you have a funeral, what song should you never play?
Alphaville - "Forever Young."
Guy 1: Hey, can you stop making 9/11 jokes? My dad died during it.
Guy 2: Sorry, I will stop. What was your dad?
Guy 1: The pilot. He saw a KFC and wanted it, so, well, you know.
People should build orphanages next to graveyards so at least orphans can see their parents.
How did they know Princess Diana had dandruff?
Because they found her Head and Shoulders in the glove compartment!
I still remember my dad's last words: "Don't worry son, Allah will be pleased."
How did Stephen Hawking die?
His core i5 Overheated. XD
Why did Stephen Hawking die? ... Because he pressed "shut down" instead of "sleep."
When you say to your friend, "I've got your back," then at his funeral you see in his coffin he's missing his middle piece.
Why did Sally fall off the swing? Cause she had no arms.
Knock knock? Who's there? Not Sally.
A few days after her husband’s death, a widow accidentally receives an email from a man waiting for his wife in Spain.
The email reads: "Dearest Wife, just got checked in. Everything [is] prepared for your arrival tomorrow. P. S. It’s really hot down here!"
