Death jokes

What's the difference between a dead person and a walkie-talkie?

A dead person does not walkie or talkie.

Did you know Paul Walker was a method actor? He took his role very seriously as a human torch.

How do you make a baby survive a fall of over 300 metres?

I don't know. I've dropped dozens off the Empire State Building and none have lived.

There were 3 blonde scientists...wait that’s not the joke. The first one said “we are going to pilot the first unmanned spacecraft to land on the sun.”

The second one said “but we can’t do that - if we get within 5 feet of the sun we’ll freeze to death!”

The third blonde says “so we go at night.”

My departed uncle was a circus clown before he died.

So all his friends came in one car.

A cat gets its tail run over, and its mother assured him it’ll be okay. “You just have to stay PAW-sitive!”

The mother was later killed in her sleep because her son hates puns. At the funeral, one of her daughters said, “You have CAT to be KITTEN me right MEOW!”

Guess who dies next.

"Abortion: Another word for dying at spawn."

Why does the orphan commit suicide to join the other side to see their parents?

Why did Princess Diana cross the road?

She forgot to put her seatbelt on.

A few days after her husband’s death, a widow accidentally receives an email from a man waiting for his wife in Spain.

The email reads: "Dearest Wife, just got checked in. Everything [is] prepared for your arrival tomorrow. P. S. It’s really hot down here!"

Playing Russian roulette alone means you're bound to be a winner eventually.

What did the tree say to the kid with the rope?

Nothing, he was hanging.

Why can't an orphan live peacefully?

Technoblade: As a ghost, he could locate all orphans within 2 weeks.

You could say Kobe's career went up in smoke.

What is the difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body?

I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.

Why can't depressed people make depression jokes? Because they can't talk if they are dead.

Why did the orphan fall off the mountain? Because his parents let go.

New skin unlocked: Blood splatter!

(Obtained by running over 69 children.)

Coworker: Knock knock.

Orphan: Who's there?

Coworker: Not your parents.

Roses are red, violets are blue, you know what else is violent? Suicide with me and you.