Death jokes

What do I and a brand new chandelier have in common?

One of these days, we’re both gonna be hanging from the ceiling.

I once saw a noose joke.

I wanna know how to make one :D

Guys, you shouldn't joke about 9/11.

My great-uncle died that day. Best damn pilot in Iraq.

What happens if you inhale too much nitrous oxide (laughing gas)?

You die of laughter.

"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Knife." "Knife, who?" "How are you still alive? I just stabbed you!"

Kobe Bryant ain’t flying that well anymore.

Hang in there, you all, Literally.

Genie: You cannot wish for more wishes, immortality, or love.

Man: I wish not to die a virgin.

Genie: I just said no wishing for immortality!

We better stop telling orphan jokes because their parents will get mad. Oh... wait... never mind.

"Suicide bomber kills 44 people in Pakistan mosque." Damn, that's a crazy K/D. He must be hacking.

"Hitler wasn't such a bad guy, after all, he did kill Hitler."

If I die, does my depression die with me?

They all call it self-baptism. I call it failed suicide.

What’s the only positive thing about Freddie Mercury’s death?

The HIV test results.

How do stars die?

Normally, an overdose.

My girlfriend went to Tokyo, and she died in the tsunami.

Since I was sad, my friend told me, "Don't worry, there's plenty more in the ocean."

Why didn’t the emo attend her grandma’s funeral?

She thought her grandma was trying to flex.

I wonder if any of these people are still alive.

Anyways,

When I arrived at the pearly gates when I died, the guardian asked me how I died. I told him I was just hanging around.

What is the difference between me and Paul Walker?

I’ve watched Fast and Furious Seven.

God creates dog.

God: "You are man's best friend."

Dog: "That's pretty sexist."

God: "No, man as in- You know what, FUCK IT! You can't speak!"

Dog: "....."

God: "And chocolate kills you!"

Dog: "🐶"