My friend had one request for me before he committed suicide, and that was to play Van Halen’s jump at his funeral
A young boy is stood on the top of a cliff crying. A priest approaches and says, 'why are you crying my son?' 'my parents just crashed the car off the cliff and died,' 'it's just not your day today is it' Said the priest, unbuttoning his flies.
What song did the Titanic victims listen to as they died?
Ice, Ice Baby!!
How does the Next Train Stop for a depressive Person? Death
Michael Jackson died of shock when he found out boys 2 men wasn't a delivery service
What was found under MJ's pillow after he died?
Billy's jeans.
when your deppresed about the world :( but you remember you will soon die :)
what do you call it when a person dies in panera bread
panera dead
Imagine if on April first the government says hahhaha you all fell for it covid19 is fake we actually killed all those people lol
"What did the blind, dumb, paraplegic, death eight year old child get for their birthday?"
"Cancer"
What's the difference between Issac Newton and the baby I just stabbed to death? Issac Newton dies a virgin.
Sketchy dude: If you push this button you get 100 million dollars but 100 million people would die.
Me: If I push it more than once do I get more money?
Sketchy dude: Yes, but more people die.
Me: *rapidly pushes button* This is how you solve world hunger.
Sketchy dude: ... wtf, you're insane.
Me: ...
How do you make a builder cry?
Kill his family.
I wanted to play as Kobe Bryant on my gaming console, but the game kept crashing.
What's the difference between Paul Walker and a computer?
I give a fuck if my computer crashes.
Why did Kayla go to the river when she was sad?
To drown herself.
Whats worse than ten dead babies nailed to one tree?
One dead baby nailed to ten trees.
How do you know your wife is dead?
The sex is the same but the dishes keep piling up.
me: *stabs vampire*
wife: omg
me: *beats vampire to death*
wife: OMG
me: what
wife: ur supposed to give them candy
me: well thats a sticky situation now isnt it barbara
My mother was so sad after my grandpas death she went into the bathroom with my uncle and I could hear their moans of sorrow. She then surprised me later on saying that she was pregnant.
