Death jokes

What do you call a depressed person holding a knife?

Freedom yay! (so funny ikr)

What's the difference between flat earthers and my grandfather? Flat earthers are more disconnected from reality than my grandfather is disconnected from his life support.

Q. How many babies does it take to shingle a roof?

A. Depends how thin you slice them.

I was crying at school, telling my friends my grandpa died. And they asked me what his last words were. His last words were, "Are you still holding the ladder?"

I have a fish that can breakdance!

Only for 20 seconds though, and only once.

I recently found out that my grandma died. We did an autopsy, and the results came back. They were pretty shocking.

We found out that she died............... from an autopsy.

Technoblade be doing skyblock in heaven now.

Did you know that you can die from laughing? Well, that’s why I laugh so much.

What’s the difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body? I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.

Just noticed something: all celebrities die badly except for Elvis. He had a relief after Taco Bell.

I hate double standards. Burn a body at a crematorium and you’re being a respectful friend.

But do it at home and you’re destroying evidence.

In 2011, Stephen Hawking said there is no God. In 2018, God said there is no Steve Hawking.

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

Because he died.

You know, it's only considered murder if there's a body. Otherwise, it's just a missing person.

I still remember the last words my grandpa said before he kicked the bucket. He said, “Hey, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?”

When the emo kid hangs himself and the autistic kid thinks that it's a piñata... BATTER UP TO THE PLATE!

What do you call someone who wants to commit suicide by jumping off a building?

A cliffhanger.

Girl: I've been an orphan since I was three.

Boy: Knock knock.

Girl: ...Who's there?

Boy: Not your parents!

(sorry in advance this joke is brutal)

What has 12 heads and 24 eyes?

The bin at the back of the abortion clinic.

pilot: *over intercom* we're all going to die.

passengers: *start freaking out*

pilot: all of us will one day, no one knows when.

passengers: *sigh with relief*

pilot: but it'll probably be when we hit that mountain.