Death jokes

What's the difference between flat earthers and my grandfather? Flat earthers are more disconnected from reality than my grandfather is disconnected from his life support.

Q. How many babies does it take to shingle a roof?

A. Depends how thin you slice them.

Dr. Seuss died September 24, but that was a lie. Dr. Seuss, when he was 97, he stole a plane and the last rhyme he did was “up in the sky so very far he comes, Dr. Seuss allahuakbar.”

I have a fish that can breakdance!

Only for 20 seconds though, and only once.

I was crying at school, telling my friends my grandpa died. And they asked me what his last words were. His last words were, "Are you still holding the ladder?"

I still remember the last words my grandpa said before he kicked the bucket. He said, “Hey, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?”

When a military person dies, we shoot all night. When a drunkard dies, we drink all night. When a Christian dies, we pray all night. What if a prostitute dies? What should we do? Please tell me.

I recently found out that my grandma died. We did an autopsy, and the results came back. They were pretty shocking.

We found out that she died............... from an autopsy.

What’s the difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body? I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.

Did you know that you can die from laughing? Well, that’s why I laugh so much.

Just noticed something: all celebrities die badly except for Elvis. He had a relief after Taco Bell.

Technoblade be doing skyblock in heaven now.

I hate double standards. Burn a body at a crematorium and you’re being a respectful friend.

But do it at home and you’re destroying evidence.

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

Because he died.

In 2011, Stephen Hawking said there is no God. In 2018, God said there is no Steve Hawking.

At my funeral, take the bouquet off the coffin and throw it into the crowd to see who's next.

You know, it's only considered murder if there's a body. Otherwise, it's just a missing person.

When the emo kid hangs himself and the autistic kid thinks that it's a piñata... BATTER UP TO THE PLATE!

What do you call someone who wants to commit suicide by jumping off a building?

A cliffhanger.

Girl: I've been an orphan since I was three.

Boy: Knock knock.

Girl: ...Who's there?

Boy: Not your parents!