Death jokes

How do you get my neighbor out of their tree?

You untie the rope.

Today my EX got trampled by a bunch of horses, and sadly I lost my job as a horse trainer.

When a military person dies, we shoot all night. When a drunkard dies, we drink all night. When a Christian dies, we pray all night. What if a prostitute dies? What should we do? Please tell me.

Dark jokes are like a new day. Suicidal people don't get it.

What do you call a depressed person holding a knife?

Freedom yay! (so funny ikr)

Q. How many babies does it take to shingle a roof?

A. Depends how thin you slice them.

I was crying at school, telling my friends my grandpa died. And they asked me what his last words were. His last words were, "Are you still holding the ladder?"

I have a fish that can breakdance!

Only for 20 seconds though, and only once.

I still remember the last words my grandpa said before he kicked the bucket. He said, “Hey, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?”

I recently found out that my grandma died. We did an autopsy, and the results came back. They were pretty shocking.

We found out that she died............... from an autopsy.

I hate double standards. Burn a body at a crematorium and you’re being a respectful friend.

But do it at home and you’re destroying evidence.

Did you know that you can die from laughing? Well, that’s why I laugh so much.

Technoblade be doing skyblock in heaven now.

Just noticed something: all celebrities die badly except for Elvis. He had a relief after Taco Bell.

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

Because he died.

In 2011, Stephen Hawking said there is no God. In 2018, God said there is no Steve Hawking.

(sorry in advance this joke is brutal)

What has 12 heads and 24 eyes?

The bin at the back of the abortion clinic.

You know, it's only considered murder if there's a body. Otherwise, it's just a missing person.

Some kids at school made fun of me for playing Halo. I gave them a halo.

When the emo kid hangs himself and the autistic kid thinks that it's a piñata... BATTER UP TO THE PLATE!