Death jokes
where do suicide bombers go when they die? everywhere!
What was the last thing to run through Osama bin Laden's mind? Probably a bullet.
Other girls be like, "I want a 6ft guy", meanwhile I want to be 6ft under. 😃👍
I'm going to hang myself in the bathroom at school and put a note telling kids that I'm a piñata.
What is the easiest line to draw in the hospital?
My heartbeat.
What's the hardest line to draw in a hospital?
... A FLATLINE!
My friend got mad when he caught me smelling his sister's panties. I don't know why he was mad, maybe because she was wearing them, or because his whole family was watching. Either way, it made the funeral a bit awkward.
My girlfriend's dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one.
It just made her more upset. She screamed at me, "What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?"
What do suicidal people do in their spare time?
Hang out.
Do you have dark humor?
Actually, never mind. I was going to tell you a joke about babies dying... but I decided to abort.
You wanna hear a suicide joke? Nvm, it didn't make it.
My grandpa has a world record for holding his breath. He's been holding it for 6 years.
I walked into the kitchen and saw my wife chopping up onions, which made me cry.
Onions was a good dog.
Cremation,
The last chance for a smoking hot body.
If you had 10 chicken nuggets and Jimmy tried to steal one, what would you have?
10 chicken nuggets and a dead Jimmy.
A man went to the library and asked for a book about suicide. The librarian said, "Go away, you won’t bring it back."
Woman: "Doctor, where are we going?"
Doctor: "To the morgue."
Woman: "I'm not dead yet, doctor."
Doctor: "We're not at the morgue yet, either."
Never invest in funerals. It's a dying industry.
I bet my friend $5 that he would die drowning.
A depressing but satisfying victory.
When you die, people cry and wish you to come back.
But when you do, people scream and run away.