Death jokes

where do suicide bombers go when they die? everywhere!

What was the last thing to run through Osama bin Laden's mind? Probably a bullet.

I'm going to hang myself in the bathroom at school and put a note telling kids that I'm a piñata.

What is the easiest line to draw in the hospital?

My heartbeat.

What's the hardest line to draw in a hospital?

... A FLATLINE!

My friend got mad when he caught me smelling his sister's panties. I don't know why he was mad, maybe because she was wearing them, or because his whole family was watching. Either way, it made the funeral a bit awkward.

Other girls be like, "I want a 6ft guy", meanwhile I want to be 6ft under. 😃👍

My girlfriend's dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one.

It just made her more upset. She screamed at me, "What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?"

What do suicidal people do in their spare time?

Hang out.

Do you have dark humor?

Actually, never mind. I was going to tell you a joke about babies dying... but I decided to abort.

You wanna hear a suicide joke? Nvm, it didn't make it.

I walked into the kitchen and saw my wife chopping up onions, which made me cry.

Onions was a good dog.

My grandpa has a world record for holding his breath. He's been holding it for 6 years.

If you had 10 chicken nuggets and Jimmy tried to steal one, what would you have?

10 chicken nuggets and a dead Jimmy.

Cremation,

The last chance for a smoking hot body.

Suicide is illegal because it's a crime to destroy government property.

Woman: "Doctor, where are we going?"

Doctor: "To the morgue."

Woman: "I'm not dead yet, doctor."

Doctor: "We're not at the morgue yet, either."

When you die, people cry and wish you to come back.

But when you do, people scream and run away.

Never invest in funerals. It's a dying industry.

I bet my friend $5 that he would die drowning.

A depressing but satisfying victory.