Q: How many dead babies does it take to paint the wall?
A: Depends how hard you throw them.
Death Jokes
How do we know Stephen is dying in hell?
There’s a stairway to heaven.
What’s the difference between prison and concentration camps?
At least you don’t die when you shower.
Roses are red, I wish you were dead.
I would like to die like my Islamic father, in his sleep, but not like the rest of the people in the plane or those in those identical towers.
Helicopter, helicopter, Kobe Bryant in my chopper, Sitting next to burning daughter, Lots of smoke and little laughter.
Knock, knock.
Orphan: Who's there?
Not your parents!
Someone went up to an orphan and asked him why he was talking to the air. He said he was talking to his mom.
Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours.
Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
What do classical musicians do when they die?
They decompose.
I usually tell jokes about Kobe, but they usually crash and burn.
Why can’t Helen Keller have kids?
Answer: She’s dead.
Two Twin Towers topple to terrorists terrorizing twenty to-be-doomed trip takers.
My father died in 9/11. It's such a shame. He was a great pilot. 😔
My ex died today.
I also lost my job as a butcher.
Before I die, I'm going to ask to be cremated.
Then I'm going to eat a bunch of popcorn kernels.
Then I'll die and get cremated. BOOM! I'm popcorn!
What's stiff and 6 inches long?
SIDS.
A lady asked if I heard about the mass shooting in Ohio. I said yes, my friend died there. She said I’m so sorry. I said yeah, I tried telling him the police had good aim. Worse than that, he just found out his sister was cheating on him.
*At A Funeral For Someone Who Jumped Off A Building* Victim's Mom: "I wonder what was the last thing that went through his head..."
Me: "Honestly... Probably his ass."
Why didn't the skeleton go to prom?
He was dead. You fool. You fell for my trick. I'm very heartless.
Oh wait.
You fool!
