Death jokes
I'll slit your throat and kick you in the gut till you die one time.
Why did the skeleton not listen to the rules?
He was "bone tiba wild."
Where do suicide bombers go after death?
Everywhere.
What’s the difference between fruit and dead babies? I don’t put fruit in a blender.
Me playing a game........ What, did God just stop our hearts because he didn't kill everybody?
What goes pop pop sizzle sizzle?
Two dead babies in an acid bath.
Health commercials be like:
Serious side effects can cause:
Nausea, diarrhea, vomiting, chills, fever, cancer, diabetes, AIDS, chlamydia, lupus, Ebola, polio, leprosy, pulmonary edema, heart attack, heart failure, yellow fever, but worst of all, DEATH!
I heard Microsoft got charged, why?
They couldn’t reboot Stephen Hawking.
I turned off all the beeping machines in the hospital. I love the peace and quiet, but I don't know why everyone is sleeping cause it's only 8 am.
Mom, where are we going?
To your grandma's funeral.
Yeah, 'cause I 360 no-scoped that b*tch in the face.
How do emos fly? They hang themselves.
If a pregnant emo kills herself, is that murder-suicide or just abortion?
This 15-year-old girl wanted a cross on her room with a long nail on the end over her bed. Unfortunately, it killed her dad because it fell off the wall.
(Do you get the joke?)
(Her dad was on her, and it fell and killed him.)
A man died and went to heaven. Here he met Jesus. There were two clocks. The man asked, "What's with the clocks?" Jesus answered, "This is Mother Theresa's clock. She has not lied, so the clock hasn't moved. This is Abraham Lincoln's clock; he's only lied twice, so it's moved twice." "Where's Donald Trump's?" the man asked. Jesus replied: "It's in my office. I'm using it as a ceiling fan."
What does an abortion joke and a fetus have in common... The joke never gets old, and neither does the kid.
I love my family when they're buried alive.
Why did Sally fall off the swing? Because she had no arms.
Knock knock. Who's there? Not Sally.
What first went through Sally's head when the Nazis came? A bullet.
Where did Sally go when the bomb exploded? Everywhere.
What did Sally get for Christmas? A bike.
Why can’t Michael Jackson get within 500 meters of a school?
Cause he’s dead.
What's the difference between the Twin Towers and your parents?
Nothing. They are both just memories.
My aunt used to say, "Slow and steady wins the race." She died in a fire.