My dad, unfortunately, passed away when we couldn’t remember his blood type...
His last words to us were, “Be positive!”
Death Jokes
What's the best cure for aging? Suicide.
Me nan.
Yo mama is so huge, when she was born everyone died.
Why is Stephen Hawking in hell?
He couldn't get his wheelchair up the stairway to heaven.
A student was peeking in on a 10/10 chick, and the guy was about to nut.
The school shooter patted his back and told him to leave his corpses alone.
I remember when I was at a funeral at the age of 6. I was with my grandma and asked, "Grandma, Grandma, why is that man in a box?"
And she says, "He's in a better place now." I look at her confused and ask, "What kind of box did he live in before?! How is this box better than the last one?! It's just a box!"
And to this day I am still not allowed to go to funerals.
Where would you take Stephen Hawking if he dies, the funeral directors or PC World?
What’s the difference between a mother and a fetus at an abortion office?
Only one of them is scared.
What's the difference between a chocolate cake and a dead baby?
About 5000 calories.
I don't know if this is a joke or a question, but:
If killing yourself sends you to hell, where does sitting in the waiting room get you?
What's white, red, and screams a lot?
A baby in a blender.
What's the difference between a skeleton and a baby? I don't set the skeleton on fire.
What's similar between a pregnant 14 y/o girl and the foetus inside of her?
They both are thinking "My mom's gonna kill me!"
What was blue and black and doesn't like to have sex... The little girl in my trunk.
You got a black cat.
He was bad luck.
Everyone left you and you committed suicide.
What a CATastrophe!
Bully: You're gonna die.
Me: Hurry up then.
At weddings, old people poke me and say, "You're next!" So I do the same to them at funerals.
Friends are like penguins: if you stab them, they die. 😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈
What do you call a nine year old with no friends?
A Sandy Hook survivor.
