Death jokes
How many dead babies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
More than 9 because my basement is still dark.
What’s the only victimless crime you can commit? Murder, cause there’s a victim less!
I have a fish that can breakdance!
Only for 20 seconds though, and only once.
How do you know cat's don't always land on their feet?
Mufasa.
Wanna hear a skeleton joke?
Sorry, I don't have the guts to tell it.
How did a blonde commit suicide?
She jumped from the basement window.
One day whilst walking up a hill, Jack saw a prostitute named Jill. Jill was dressed in kinky, leather gear that made Jack really, really horny.
Jack, who hadn't stuck it in for a few weeks, was keen to ask this sexy young maiden how much she would charge. "1 buck for a suck, 2 buck for a fuck," she said as she stroked his ever-hardening one-eyed snake.
"Yeah, I'll have both of them," said Jack, who was about to cum in his trousers. So Jill led Jack to behind the well, and they sucked and fucked for an hour. After that, they both contracted AIDS and died of it, as they did not see a doctor. THE END
What's yellow and can't swim?
A school bus full of dead babies.
A student was peeking in on a 10/10 chick, and the guy was about to nut.
The school shooter patted his back and told him to leave his corpses alone.
Why does Hitler deserve heaven? Because he killed Hitler.
Did Jesus die virgin? Nope, he got nailed before he died.
I will always remember my dad's last words...
Oh wait, I've never heard them.
I will always remember my dad's last words...
Oh wait, I never knew them.
What do world hunger and a Mercedes have in common?
Princess Diana couldn't stop both of them.
You're dead inside.
(Stabs him 23 times)
I had a goldfish that could break dance on the carpet... but only for, like, twenty seconds and only once.
Don't make Iran jokes. My mom died by a rocket launcher. She was the best sharp shooter in the Iranian army.
Q: What were my son's last words before he died?
A: "Bye, Dad, I am going to school."
Two scientists walk into a bar. One says, "I want h20." The other said, "I want h20, too." The second scientist died.
A man found out that he was going to die.
A German doctor comes in and says "you have 10 more". The man yells out "10 WHAT!! DAYS!!!! WEEKS!!!". And the doctor says "No seconds". And the man says "9 SECONDS!!!" And the doctor says "Nein. Ten seconds". He asked "How many seconds do I have to live 10, 9 , or...?"
Then he died and learned how to say no in German....