Death jokes
Suicide bombers, carry bombs and remember to breathe.
These murder jokes are just KILLING me!
What’s the difference between a 5.7l v8 and a dead baby?
If you lift the hood on my car, you won’t find a 5.7l v8.
He is dead.
Why did Steven Hawking die?
A quad rasher ran him over.
Why did the man die of the actor's performance?
The performance was unbeLIVEable!
My cousin died last week. He needed a blood transfusion, but we didn't know his blood type. He just kept saying, "B positive, B positive," but it's hard to be positive with him gone.
What is a necrophiliac's favorite candy? A Hearsey's Kiss.
Where did Janet go during the bombing? Everywhere.
What do you think is going through kids' heads during school shootings? Bullets.
What's worse than a truck full of dead babies? One alive at the bottom.
Two men are in a rainforest, and one of them is peeing. Suddenly, a snake jumps out of some bushes and bites the man’s penis. The other man says, “Oh my God, I will go to a doctor immediately!” He didn’t have enough time to load the man into the car, so he went straight to the hospital. The man told the doctor what happened, and the doctor said, “You will have to make an incision at the wound and suck the poison out.” The man went back to the other man and said, “There is no hope, you will die.”
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
Because I unplugged his life support to charge my phone.
Q: Where did Sally go when the bomb went off?
A: Everywhere.
What’s the difference between grandma getting ran over by a reindeer, and a poor kid’s parents getting ran over by military tractors?
When grandma got ran over by a reindeer, the kids actually gave a sh*t.
Steven Hawking's death, you should've gotten a case.
My dad: You better wear flip-flops everywhere.
Suicidal son: Goes to crack alley.
I would kill for something to eat--the cannibal.
If Stephen Hawking was walking, they would have a hawk problem.
20 fridges are loaded onto a plane, only 19 come off. Okay, moving on. You took too long.
How many steps does it take to put an elephant into a fridge? (*Their reply* I don't know how many.)
3, Open the fridge, put the elephant into the fridge, and close the door. How do you put a giraffe into the fridge? (*Their reply* 3...)
Wrong. 4, Open the fridge, take out the elephant, put in the giraffe, and close the door. Why did Sally fall off the swing? A fridge fell on her.