Death jokes
An old Indian was buried on the side of a hill. What did he say?
Nothing, he was dead.
Three Indians get captured by an enemy leader, and the leader says, "Go in the woods and find 10 fruits of the same kind."
The first one comes back with apples. The enemy leader says, "Shove them up your butt and don't make a sound, or I will kill you." He gets to two and yells. The leader kills him. He goes up to heaven.
The second guy comes back and has grapes. He gets to 9 and laughs. The leader kills him. He goes to heaven.
The first guy asks the second guy why he laughed, saying he had it in the bag. The second guy said he saw the third guy carrying pineapples.
The undertaker's famous saying is "Rest In Peace" to all of his opponents, but really they don't rest in peace. The only peace they get is from God.
The weirdest thing happened yesterday. My dad came back from work... He’s a suicide bomber.
I went to school and everyone was screaming and looking at me. They weren't after I shot them, though.
Stephen Hawking died because he got hit by a RAM.
My old platoon sergeant always told me the hardest thing when walking through a field of dead babies was... his cock.
Go commit Thanos finger snap.
What was Stephen Hawking's last message before he died: "Server shutting down."
I can't believe my friends. They killed themselves without me!
Why did the monkey fall from the tree? Because he was dead.
I will always remember my grandfather's last words: "I'll just check if it's poisonous."
Student: 503 bricks are on a plane. 1 falls off. How many are left?
Teacher: 502.
Student: How do you put an elephant in a fridge?
Teacher: No, you can't fit an elephant in a fridge!!
Student: Just open door, put elephant in, close door.
Student: How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?
Teacher: open door, put giraffe in, close door
Student: No! Open door, take elephant out, put giraffe in, close door.
Student: The Lion King is having a B-day party. All the animals are there, except one. Which one?
Teacher: let me guess the lion?
Student: No! The giraffe because He's in a fridge.
Teacher: WOW!
Student: Sally has to get across a large river home to many alligators. They are very dangerous, but Sally swims across safely. How?
Teacher: Sally stepped on the alligators mouth?
Student: The gators are at the party.
Student: But Sally dies anyway. Why?
Teacher: She drowned?!
Student: No! She got hit in the head by a flying brick.
Why did the skeleton run away from the crime scene?
He didn't have the guts to see it.
what do you call a baby in an oven?
my next meal.
Girl: "How do you feel about abortion?"
Dad: "Ask your sister."
Girl: "I don't have a..."
How do you make a plumber sad?
You kill his family.
If you had 10 chicken nuggets and Jimmy tried to steal one, what would you have?
10 chicken nuggets and a dead Jimmy.
Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle?
His wife is dead.
One day, a snail got robbed by two turtles.
The cops arrived and arrested the woman for killing her cheating husband, and the son was sent to child services. (Moral - no one cares about the frkn snail and turtles!)