Death jokes
I remember my grandfather's last words: "Is that loaded?"
How do you get 500 babies in a phone booth?
A blender.
How do you get them out?
A straw.
What is black, white, and red all over?
A dead zebra 🦓
So Timmy was walking down the street with his friend Lea. Suddenly a car drives by and Timmy waves at the car.
Lea looks at him, puzzled, then later asks him; "Why'd you wave at that car back there?"
Timmy replies "Oh that was my brother, he went to the bar. He must just be driving home..."
I was in my guitar class and my strings were dead, and then I realized they were more dead than George Bush on November 30, 2018.
Q: What did the man say after removing another man's hat? A: He was decapitated.
Guess why Stephen died?? Because his wife forgot to put him on charge at night.
Today; worst day ever.
My annoying sibling got hit by a train, and I lost my job as a conductor.
Suicide bombers, carry bombs and remember to breathe.
These murder jokes are just KILLING me!
What’s the difference between a 5.7l v8 and a dead baby?
If you lift the hood on my car, you won’t find a 5.7l v8.
He is dead.
Why did Steven Hawking die?
A quad rasher ran him over.
Why did the man die of the actor's performance?
The performance was unbeLIVEable!
My cousin died last week. He needed a blood transfusion, but we didn't know his blood type. He just kept saying, "B positive, B positive," but it's hard to be positive with him gone.
What is a necrophiliac's favorite candy? A Hearsey's Kiss.
Where did Janet go during the bombing? Everywhere.
What do you think is going through kids' heads during school shootings? Bullets.
What's worse than a truck full of dead babies? One alive at the bottom.
Two men are in a rainforest, and one of them is peeing. Suddenly, a snake jumps out of some bushes and bites the man’s penis. The other man says, “Oh my God, I will go to a doctor immediately!” He didn’t have enough time to load the man into the car, so he went straight to the hospital. The man told the doctor what happened, and the doctor said, “You will have to make an incision at the wound and suck the poison out.” The man went back to the other man and said, “There is no hope, you will die.”