Death jokes
I was watching my boyfriend's dog while he took a shower. I started playing fetch with him when the ball went over the balcony. He went to get it and fell 10 stories. When I looked down, he appeared to be dead.
My boyfriend loved his dog and I didn't know what to do, so feeling awful, I sat on the couch and waited for him to come back. About three minutes later he got out of the shower. He ordered some food and went to the table to eat when I said, "You know, your dog's been a little depressed lately..."
Random guy: "Go suck a D*ck!"
Me: Nah, I'd rather suck a 9mm.
What is the difference between a kid with cancer and dark humor?
Dark humor never dies!
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
Because he forgot to plug in the charger.
Stephen Hawking didn't die, he got sucked up by the black hole then got sent to the large charger in the sky.
You know what relationships and life? They both come to an end.
There's something special about cemeteries.
People are dying to get inside.
I had a boyfriend once. He broke up with me because he "wanted to be more alive." I guess it didn't work when he went to my basement.
A child with cancer says, "Mother, what will I be when I grow up?"
Then the mother says, "Shut up, dick, you have cancer!" Hehehe.
Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance party? Because he had NOBODY to dance with.
What does an apple and a lawyer have in common?
They both look good hanging from a tree.
One night, a girl said to her family, "Goodnight Mommy, Goodnight Daddy, Goodnight Grandma, Goodbye Grandpa." The next morning, her grandpa died. That night, she said, "Goodnight Mommy, Goodnight Daddy, Goodbye Grandma." The next morning, the grandma died. The dad started to fear for his life because he was next. That night, the girl said, "Goodnight Mommy, Goodbye Daddy." The next morning, the dad woke up and he was perfectly fine, but when he went into the kitchen, he saw his wife crying. When he asked her what's wrong, she said, "The mailman died."
How did Stephen Hawking die?
He traveled too far from the outlet.
What's the difference between a dead baby and a sandwich?
I don't put my dick in a sandwich before I eat it.
When there’s an earthquake, coffins become underground maracas.
Where do you think all the orphans went?
In the World Trade Center, I trapped them in so they can finally get to their parents.
Two tourists climb a mountain that utters certain doom.
One tourist falls down. The tourist that's still on the mountain says, "You ok down there?"
The other tourist says, "Can't I just rest in peace?!"
Do you want to know how to make a Smurf? CHOKE A MIDGET!
Q: How many dead babies does it take to paint the wall?
A: Depends how hard you throw them.
How did Stephen Hawking die?
His core i5 Overheated. XD