Death jokes
Murder, murder, suicide by police.
What's the difference between humans and bullets?
Humans miss John Lennon.
What's yellow and can't swim?
A school bus full of kids.
Where did Sally go after the gunshot?
6 feet under.
*That is how deep they put the coffin...*
I asked my girlfriend if she wanted to join my family tree... She dropped the rope and ran.
What's white as snow within 15-25 mins after death and then black and blue and red all over?
A corpse, of course!
What do you call a person with cancer?
A ghost with a body.
My aunt’s star sign is Cancer, so it’s pretty ironic how she died. She was eaten alive by a giant freaking crab!
An orphan died. No one cared, why? Who is supposed to spread the word? His parents.
Why can't you fool an aborted fetus?
Because it wasn't born yesterday.
Have you heard about the blind man who saw the accident and the dead man who heard it?
Hahahahahahhah my nan died :)
If only Karen Carpenter had eaten Mama Cass's sandwich...
I was in a toxic relationship. After some time, my girlfriend died. Her name was Happy. Still got no clue of her body, and here I am lying on the bed so fucking happy.
Chuck Norris once put a plastic bag on his head, and the bag suffocated to death.
Give a man a plane ticket and he will fly for a day.
Push a man out of a plane and he will fly for the rest of his life.
I'll slit your throat and kick you in the gut till you die one time.
Snow everywhere, it's Christmas time. A person looks at the tree.
The person: "Only the last thing left to hang!"
He grabs a noose.
Pass around the roses, their casket full of hoses, crash it, watch it, the water! OH SHIT IT'S GONNA BLOW!
My boy, I think it is about time that I leave this world. Now draw your weapon and kill me now!
*draws a picture of his "epic" sword*
"What... WHAT... WTH ARE YOU DOING SIMPLETON? I DIDN'T MEAN THAT KIND OF DRAW!"