Death jokes
I just killed a family of five.
Now I’m an orphan.
Small word of advice: Don't wait till next month or next year to do stuff with the people you love, because they may be gone by then. You don't realize, but every second there is someone who dies, and it just could be your loved one.
Give a man fire, and he'll be warm for a day.
Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
Bullets.
What's the difference between a cat and a human? About 500 bullets.
What do leaves and suicidal people have in common? Nothing, one falls from the tree and one doesn't.
Roses are red, My heart, my heart is dead. I have a gun straight to my head.
P.l.a.n.e.
Precious lord, are nonbelievers evil?
Why did your mom cross the road?
Why? She didn't, she got hit by a car.
Warning, this is dark.
How do you knock out 26 kids in one punch? Give 'em a Sandy Hook.
When you commit suicide in your house, that's suicide, but when you commit suicide outside, you failed your parkour.
What's yellow and can't swim?
A dead goldfish.
A friend of mine used to be morbidly obese, but after lots of exercise and hard work... We were able to lift his coffin.
I usually tell jokes about Kobe, but they usually crash and burn.
Suicide
What do suicidal people and apples have in common?
They both hang from trees.
I got a phone call from a guy labeled "assassin" saying my life will end soon. I seriously doubt that he w- *gunshot*
Ok, I found this off of an internet meme, this isn't original:
*grabbing kid* Harambe: Ok kid, I don't have much time, but Obama's last name is- *gunshot*
Which is redder: a baby or a red car? It depends on how the baby was killed!
What is the difference between a dead baby and an orphan?
The dead baby happened on purpose while the orphan came out as an accident!