Death jokes
Three men walk into heaven at the same time. They all live in the same city. God asks the first man, "How did you die?" The man says, "I have a heart condition, and I've been suspecting my wife of cheating for some time. Anyway, I get home from work and I see my wife on the bed and a man hanging off the balcony. I get so mad and stomp on the guy's fingers! He falls into a bush, so I throw a refrigerator on him." God asks the next man, "How did you die?" The man says, "I was cleaning the windows, and then this crazy man starts stomping on my fingers! Luckily, I fall safely in a bush! But then a refrigerator falls on me!" God asks the third man, and he says, "I was the one in the fridge!"
A cemetery should be built next to orphanages, so the orphans can see their parents.
A necrophiliac woman goes over to her friend's house after hooking up.
"Was it hung?" her friend asks.
"No, he was shot."
Man 1: Hey, I heard you survived a school shooting. What was it like?
Man 2: People were screaming and running everywhere. I was only able to get a few of them.
What does an apple and suicidal person have in common?
They're both hanging from a tree.
My grandpa's last words before he died in Vietnam were, "What the fuck did I step on?"
Yo momma so fat she died at 5. Her kids, f
* * *
You find some dust on the ground. Your friends dare you to snort it... Then you realize you're in a crematorium.
Alyas' dad died, that's comedy. Something not funny is like BLM.
I just killed a family of five.
Now I’m an orphan.
Small word of advice: Don't wait till next month or next year to do stuff with the people you love, because they may be gone by then. You don't realize, but every second there is someone who dies, and it just could be your loved one.
Give a man fire, and he'll be warm for a day.
Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
Bullets.
What's the difference between a cat and a human? About 500 bullets.
What do leaves and suicidal people have in common? Nothing, one falls from the tree and one doesn't.
Roses are red, My heart, my heart is dead. I have a gun straight to my head.
P.l.a.n.e.
Precious lord, are nonbelievers evil?
Why did your mom cross the road?
Why? She didn't, she got hit by a car.
Warning, this is dark.
How do you knock out 26 kids in one punch? Give 'em a Sandy Hook.
When you commit suicide in your house, that's suicide, but when you commit suicide outside, you failed your parkour.