Death jokes
A leaf and an emo kid fall from a tree, who hits the ground first? The leaf, because the rope stopped the emo kid.
High school crush: Why do you always look so sad?
Me: My mom is dead, and my favorite grandma, and my uncle killed both of them, and now he's in jail.
High school crush: Shit. Sorry about that.
Me: And my crush hasn't asked me out.
High school crush: Who is it?
Me: You.
Him: Goodbye (as he runs away and never comes back)
Me: Fuck that.
Why did the orphan fall out of a tree?
They thought their parents would catch them.
Roses are red, violets are blue, my mom and dad died, next you'll be gone too.
What do you call an orphan with parents?
I don't know... what?
Kidnapped. :)
Today I passed the exams to be a funeral director!
Too bad it's a dying trade. :)
Twin monks who ring the church bells died.
Now they are dead ringers. :)
A cartoonist was found dead in his home.
The details are SKETCHY! :)
Two friends were hanging out with each other next to a tree.
Too bad only one was standing. :)
How did the Apple and the emo fall off the tree at the same time?
Because Paul Walker crashed into it.
what did the suicidal kid say to the tree?
don't leave me hanging.
A hot woman is ready to jump from a bridge and commit suicide when an ugly, stinky homeless man comes up to her and tells her, "Oh baby, you so hot, let's fuck!"
She just yells, "Get the fuck away, you creep!"
He just laughs and says, "Alright, I'll wait down there."
How did Helen Keller die?
Her ex gave her plutonium and told her to eat it.
Why don't orphans go to the shops? Because when their mum leaves, she's never coming back.
I heard a neat little trick you can use to have a public pool all to yourself. If you blow a whistle 3 times, everyone will just get out!
How many children can you fit in a box?
Maybe five if you have a trash compactor.
When does an emo get jealous at a phone?
When it dies.
Why did the orphan dig six feet under?
To find his parents.
Q: Why do depressed people always have colored hair?
A: That’s as close as they can get to dye.
I asked my mom why dad was so pale and sick. She said, "Shut the fuck up and keep digging!"