What's the difference between life and death? Life hurts.
Death Jokes
Imagine you're playing GTA and you finally found out how to take out a gun: Option 1: shoot someone Option 2: suicide
Me: Aren't they the same thing?
What do you call someone smart and dead?
Stephen Hawking...
What do ya call an emo that's hung himself? Hangman.
"Knock, knock."
"Orphan: Who's there?"
"Not your parents."
I'll never forget my grampa's last words, "Stop shaking the ladder, you cunt!"
People joking about 9/11.
Random kid: "You shouldn’t joke about that! I lost my dad on 9/11."
Oh.
"Yeah, he was the greatest pilot ever!"
I tried to start a music career, but it crashed harder than Paul Walker.
Let's stop this, it's not funny. Oh wait, the orphans are all gone with nobody. 😂
Your mom so ugly that Paul Walker died.
How many thots have I bullied?
Three. The rest are dead.
If the noose breaks, stab yourself!
If the knife is dull, shoot yourself!
If the gun's out of ammo, *YOU'RE HERE TO SUFFER ETERNALLY.*
The depressed kid wanted a high-five from the tree, but it left him hangin'.
There were 3 blonde scientists...wait that’s not the joke. The first one said “we are going to pilot the first unmanned spacecraft to land on the sun.”
The second one said “but we can’t do that - if we get within 5 feet of the sun we’ll freeze to death!”
The third blonde says “so we go at night.”
Why can't orphans learn about Ancient Egypt? Because they won't know what a mummy is.
Why are dead baby jokes always funny?
They never get old.
Do you know why dead baby jokes are always funny?
They never get old.
So Little Johnny saw a robbery, so he tried to stop the robber. To the robber's surprise, he was amazed. So Johnny got 20 shots to the head. The End.
If an old person tells you what to do just say, "At least my parents are alive!"
As tragic as school shootings are, it's also a quick way to a late-term abortion.
