Dead jokes
What do you get when you kill a brown chicken and brown cow?
Dead chicken and dead cow.
They said I couldn't drive.
Now they know I can't cause they are all dead.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Stranger.
Stranger who?
Stranger, why are you in my house masticating my apparent dead wife?
Why can't Helen Keller drive?
'Cause she's already dead.
Cops be like dead from COVID hahaha. Should have listened to the law, you dumb dead pigs!
Memes
Wade, What did you do? You're grounded for life.
Why could the zombie not clap? Because it was dead, duh!
Q: Why did the baby cross the road? A: It was stapled to the chicken.
Q: Why did the Koala fall out of the tree? A: Because it was dead.
Q: Why did the baby fall out of the tree? A: Because it was stapled to the koala.
Q: Why did the tree fall over? A: The koala never let go.
Q: Why did the kangaroo die? A: Because the koala landed on it.
Paralyzed Man: *gets up* I’m out of here!
Blind Man: Did that paralyzed man just get up?
Deaf Man: Did that Blind Man see that paralyzed man get up?
Mute Man: Did that deaf man just hear the blind man see the paralyzed man get up?
Dead Man: Did that mute man just say did that deaf man just hear the blind man see the paralyzed man get up?
“Normal” Man: Did that dead man hear the mute man say did that deaf man hear the blind man see the paralyzed man get up?
Doctor: *calls 911*
911 service: 911 what’s your emergency?
Doctor: Yes, uh, a “normal” person just said that did that dead man just hear a mute man say did that deaf man just hear the blind man see a paralyzed man get up?
911 service: *hangs up*
It was raining sadly all day. My wife, my two daughters, and me were stuck in the house when wife’s mom and dad just died.
Wife: 😭😭😭I wish this never happened.
Mia, our first daughter: Mommy, it’s ok. I love whenever I see you🥰🥰
Abby, our second daughter: I love you all. Only if you guys die I won’t, but I love you when you're alive 😉😏
Me, husband: What kind of nonsense was that? You love us when we’re alive, but you don’t love us when we’re dead🤥😥😓
Everyone except Abby: Abby, this is serious. Mommy’s mother and father died. Mia says: Yes, your mom is sadly down right now, you made her more sad😡🤬. Dad says: *sniffs* Abby, I had made a discussion. I will take you to an orphanage. I am sorry 😣 when I am better and happy and I forgot what you said then we’ll get you back. Mom says:
This was not a joke. I just did this for Love 💕
There once was a commie called Ed. Usually known as Ned. He went to bed, Got shot in the head, Unfortunately now he was dead.
Caesar went to the future only to see how the Romans forgot Julius Caesar but only made a salad... I think it would have been better if Caesar stayed dead.
You're dead inside.
(Stabs him 23 times)
AMONG US IMPOSTER VENTED RED SUS AMOGUS EMERGENCY MEETING SABOTAGED DEAD BODY REPORTED HAHAHAHAHAHA AHAHAHAHAHAHAA DING DING DING DING DING DING DING...DINGDINGDING, DUN DUN
Did you know hospitals have an entire wing for free dead babies? It’s called the abortion center.
What is red, white, and blue all over?
A dead cop.
When you look exactly like your dead cousin and everybody thinks she faked her death.
FUCKING MENT
A boi found a magic vase and a genie came out and told him he had one wish. The boy said, "I wanna be like Batman." The genie said, "OK, your wish is granted."
The boy came home later that day and his parents were dead.
He's dead.
Did you know that ASL is a dead language?
Yeah, nobody speaks it.
What do you sing on a dead person's birthday?
"Happy Death-Day To You!"