Dead jokes

What is scarier than a pile of dead babies?

The bottom one ate its way out!

What do you sing on a dead person's birthday?

"Happy Death-Day To You!"

He's dead.

Dead people can’t cross the street because they're dead, ha ha!

Riddle: A man killed his wife in his car with a knife, and no one could see him. He threw the body out of the car and threw the knife off a cliff. When he got home, the cops called the man and told him his wife was dead and to come to the scene of the crime. The man agreed and rushed to the scene. When he got there, the cops immediately arrested him. Why?

ANSWER: The cops never said where the scene of the crime is.

I hit my friend.

He's dead now.

What do you call a psychic midget who has escaped from prison?

A small medium at large!

One time there was a squirrel who died.

It was funny because the squirrel got dead.

You're dumb, but that's not what she said.

What's the difference between 13 dead babies and a skeleton?

There aren't any, there's 13 skeletons in my closet.

Dean's sex life.

1) Did you hear the one about the school shooting? Actually, I better not... You wouldn't understand, it's aimed more towards a younger audience.

2) 6 was scared cuz 7 8 9, so why was 10 scared? Because it was in between 9/11.

3) 10 dead babies.

Hang in there, ya emo bastards! Remember, you could always be dead. Oh, too soon?

No wonder they wanna die so much. I'd wanna die too if I was a freak who listens to Black Veil Brides!

Anybody got a knife? I mean, an emo dildo?

Remember the big forehead kid who said, "Give me a knife, I'm going to kill myself" because of being bullied?

His head was too big to even exist, and that's why he's dead.

Q: What do you call a cat living with a vet? A: A dead, shrivelled up cat on her death bed that is attached to their owner.

Isn't It Purrfect!

Gwen, are you dead????? If not, I am Alya. Thanks for always standing up for me!!!!!!!!!!!

With what do you stuff a dead parrot? His.

Why can’t Helen Keller drive? She’s dead.

What’s a green cucumber?

A carrot.

Why can't my grandma talk?

Because she's dead.