Dead jokes
What is blue and wiggling on my floor?
A baby in a bag.
Once there were three Indians. Two were smart and one was... not so smart.
One day, the first smart Indian went out hunting. He came back with a dead deer. The not so smart Indian asks "How'd you do it?"
The smart one replies, "I followed the deer tracks, shot the deer, and brought it home."
The next day, the next smart Indian goes out. He comes back with a dead bear. The not so smart Indian asks once again "How'd you do it?"
The smart one replies, "I followed the bear tracks, shot the bear, and brought it home."
Finally, it's now the not so smart Indian's turn to go hunt. Multiple hours had passed since he left. The smart Indians go out to search for him. They finally find him, bloodied and on the verge of dying. The smart Indians exclaimed "WHAT HAPPENED!"
The not so smart Indian replies,
"Well I... I followed the train tracks, an... and shot th- the train... bu- but it kept going..."
What do you call an Indian person who is not starving? Dead.
What's the best thing about a dead hooker? Refunds.
What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a Porsche?
I don't have a Porsche in the garage.
Site nearly as dead as my trim.
I fucked a Pokemon the other day. It is dead now.
I snorted a line of coke off my 8-year-old sister’s tiny prepubescent vag. She just laid there and let me do it without complaining, probably because she was already dead.
What’s the difference between Hitler and Steven Hawking?
Nothing, they're both dead, one painted the walls and the other committed suicide by pressing ALT + F4.
Roses are red, I wish you were dead.
Orphan: I wish to be like Batman.
Genie: Your wish is granted.
Orphan goes home. His parents are dead.
How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?
Well, it's not 8 because my basement is still dark.
Yesterday I had a party.
I got questioned about five dead kids locked up in a box.
I did that when I was 13. Damn, I forgot about them!
What’s the difference between a Mercedes and a Skoda?
Princess Di wouldn’t be seen dead in the back of a Skoda...
Knock, knock.
Who is there?
Your Nan.
WHAT? MY NAN IS DEAD!
It’s not rape if she’s a dead bear and I lost my job at the circus.
I fed a vegan cock. No, not chicken, no, not my cock, my dead dad's.
Why did the orphan jump off of bridge?
So they can reunite with their dead family.
Mom: You can't die in the living room, David, so you can stop stabbing and shooting yourself.
David: I will surpass Kakarot!
Jordan: *dead on the living room floor*
When I get home from school, I always lay on my floor crying and wishing I was dead.