Dead jokes

"Boiled ham" is what you call a dead Russian.

Capital Extra is a radio station!

Capital Extra is Ashley's dead ass!

What do you call a person with a hole in their head? Dead.

When I get home from school, I always lay on my floor crying and wishing I was dead.

What is an orange cucumber?

A carrot, duh!

Knock, knock.

Who is there?

Your Nan.

WHAT? MY NAN IS DEAD!

Sad life goes, joke mom.

What does the dead man say to the other? He says, "Your daughter is pretty."

The other man says, "How do you know?"

The other man says, "Because she is dead."

Just to an orphan.

Orphan: You're stupid.

You: You're so ugly, it's the reason your parents are dead.

Q: What is the difference between a dead body and an orphan?

A: The dead body had a family.

What’s the worst part about a dead prostitute?

You end up doing all the work.

Why don't skeletons play music at the church?

Because they don't have any organs.

What do you call skeletons having sex?

When the relationship is dead, but you're still fucking.

What’s the difference between a 5.7l v8 and a dead baby?

If you lift the hood on my car, you won’t find a 5.7l v8.

Dinosaurs be like:

".......My friends are dead, like bruhhh."

What's the difference between Madlen Makan and Stephen Hawking?

Nothing, they're both dead.

How do you get 100 dead babies into a tub? Put them in the blender.

How do you get them out of the tub? Give mexicans tortilla chips and tell them theres salsa in the tub.

Your dick is as flat as your grandma's heart rate.

I was listening to my children praying, and my youngest that can speak said to me: "Mama, why is Gramma dead?"

I smiled and told her, "Well, less than 10 years ago when I was 5, your age, my Momma took me into the basement with some hot rando during a party. And 9 months later Shinana was born. One Pedo after another and your 4 siblings were born. The Pedo I met last night told me, 'If your mother's the one making you do this, do what you do best.' I listened and the next day she didn't leave her bed breathing. When the Pedo found out he left me and your soon to be brother."

She replies with, "Make his child support expensive!" Now he has to pay me 2,000 U.S. dollars every month, like the other ones that ran away.

A 90 year old man takes a Viagra.

Strips off naked, lies down in an alley way. Three chicks walk on by: a blond, a brunette, and a red head.

The red head said, "I'm not letting that go to waste," so she strips off and rides him. When she's finished,

The brunette then strips off naked and rides him. The blond's now worried because she just got her period. The red head sez, "He's dead. Don't let it go to waste," so she strips off naked and rides him. Then he wakes up. He then says, "Wow, two jump starts and a blood transfusion. I'm good to go!"