Dead Jokes

A boy sat in his bed, watching a meteor shower. He was a vengeful child and wished that his parents would no longer bother him whilst he was gaming.

The next morning, he woke up to find his mother had passed away in the night. Clearly his wish had worked. However, his father worked a midnight job, and as such the boy was very confused when he returned home from work, expecting him to have met the same fate.

The two of them then looked out the window in thought, only to find the milkman lying dead on the pavement.

There was a boy who owned a dog, who was walking while wearing headphones.

Upon entering a park, he saw a sign that read, "DOGS MUST HAVE LEAD". He continued into the park, and became immersed in the music.

After leaving the park 20 minutes later and turning around for the first time in a while to remove the lead, the sight of his now-dead, freshly-poisoned dog reminded him of the importance of heteronyms.

Roses are dead. violets are dying. Outside I'm smiling. Inside I'm crying.

Did you hear about the woman who put her husband’s ashes in a burrito?

He gets to tear that ass up one more time.

Dogs say woof.

Cows say moo.

Idiots say, "The site will be less dead when school starts again!"

What’s the best part about fucking a dead bitch?

You don’t need consent.

What’s the best thing about making out with dead girls?

They can’t say no.

Who is not hungry in Africa?

A dead person.

What is a necrophiliac's safe word?

"I'm alive!"

What does Jeffrey Dahmer and Travis Scott have in common?

Eight dead people.

Damn! Really stole my friend's glasses. Well, now they're blind, but not really, they're dead.

What's the difference between a dead person and a walkie-talkie?

A dead person does not walkie or talkie.

How do you know the baby's dead? The dog plays with it more.

If being sexy were a crime, you better lock me up.

Not because I'm sexy, but because I have 5 dead children in my basement.

What do you call an Asian who gets a B?

It's not a B-sian.

Dead.

Do you know when an African doesn't feel hungry?

When he is dead.

How is having fun with a prostitute like bungee jumping?

You’re dead if the rubber breaks.

People ask me, "Are you an organ donor?"

"Yeah, over my dead body!"

What has 4 wheels, no wings, and flies?

A dead cripple.

What do you do when your cat's dead?

Play with the neighbor's pussy instead.