Dead jokes

Roses are red, violets are blue.

My heart is dead.

I’m such a fool.

Why did I fall for you?

A little boy enters Michael Joseph Jackson's house with a doll, and Michael looks angrily at the boy. But the little boy says something that makes Michael jealous: "The girl is mine." Michael cries and asks the boy to leave. A child is saved, and more are, thanks to Conrad Murray and June 25th, dead pedophile day.

What do you call the heterosexual Michael Joseph Jackson?

Jeffrey Epstein.

The warden gave them a choice of three ways to die: to be shot, to be hung, or to be injected with the AIDS virus for a slow death.

So the German said, "Shoot me right in the head." Boom, he was dead instantly.

Then the Italian said, "Just hang me." Snap, he was dead.

Then the Irishman said, "Give me some of that AIDS stuff." They gave him the shot, and the Irishman fell down laughing. The guards looked at each other and wondered what was wrong with this guy.

Then the Irishman said, "Give me another one of those shots," so the guards did. Now he was laughing so hard, tears rolled from his eyes and he doubled over.

Finally, the warden said, "What is wrong with you?"

The Irishman replied, "You guys are so stupid... I'm wearing a condom!"

How can you tell if your husband is dead?

The sex is the same, but you get to use the remote.

What's the difference between a Corvette and a pile of dead babies?

I don't have a Corvette in my garage.

Roses are red, violets are blue.

My heart is dead because of you.

Actually, not because of you... because of your face.

A boy sat in his bed, watching a meteor shower. He was a vengeful child and wished that his parents would no longer bother him whilst he was gaming.

The next morning, he woke up to find his mother had passed away in the night. Clearly his wish had worked. However, his father worked a midnight job, and as such the boy was very confused when he returned home from work, expecting him to have met the same fate.

The two of them then looked out the window in thought, only to find the milkman lying dead on the pavement.

There was a boy who owned a dog, who was walking while wearing headphones.

Upon entering a park, he saw a sign that read, "DOGS MUST HAVE LEAD". He continued into the park, and became immersed in the music.

After leaving the park 20 minutes later and turning around for the first time in a while to remove the lead, the sight of his now-dead, freshly-poisoned dog reminded him of the importance of heteronyms.

Roses are dead. violets are dying. Outside I'm smiling. Inside I'm crying.

Did you hear about the woman who put her husband’s ashes in a burrito?

He gets to tear that ass up one more time.

Dogs say woof.

Cows say moo.

Idiots say, "The site will be less dead when school starts again!"

What’s the best part about fucking a dead bitch?

You don’t need consent.

What’s the best thing about making out with dead girls?

They can’t say no.

Who is not hungry in Africa?

A dead person.

What is a necrophiliac's safe word?

"I'm alive!"

What does Jeffrey Dahmer and Travis Scott have in common?

Eight dead people.

Damn! Really stole my friend's glasses. Well, now they're blind, but not really, they're dead.

What's the difference between a dead person and a walkie-talkie?

A dead person does not walkie or talkie.

How do you know the baby's dead? The dog plays with it more.