Day jokes
Hi 👋, was the day you?
My boss told me to have a good day, so I went home.
I worked at a calendar factory, but I got the sack for taking a few days off!
Dad: My kid just said "butch," but since he is a kid, he said a bad word on accident.
*The next day*
Uncle: F*CK!
My teacher told me to have a good day. SOOOOOOOOOO I went home :)
What time is it when you get home, can you walk walk home and walk walk home to get a car? I love you, you're the night!
It's a very smart day today. I'd say it has about 30-45 degrees, with humidex.
Person: So, Jimmy, what do you do all day?
Jimmy Savile: Anyone who I can do.
How's George Floyd doing these days? Being drug-free for a year, he must be feeling pretty swell.
Same old boring ass day, until a person with Parkinson's fainted and got everyone's attention.
He really shook things up today.
I had a party the other day. I made sure there were vegan options. They make do or fuck off.
Did I tell you I finally got my wife to scream during sex? Yeah, you should have heard her the other day when I walked in on her.
One day a son and his grandad were smoking.
Too bad only the sun was smoking. :)
A friend of mine told me something that I cannot forget, and I am now traumatized to hell. The next day a kid was set for an amber alert that looked exactly like my DEAR friend! :)
Your dad left you 10 years ago and you're 10 years old, so your dad anniversary is today.
Why am I in jail? Because I wasn't invited to the party in the orphanage 23 days ago. Stupid fucks.
So I went to a church the other day and I asked my friend, "Is that painting of Jesus and is it through the wall with one with three nails?" Oh wait, I wasn’t even Jesus, he’s not doing the T post that he invented.
I was bullying a little kid for having a purple eye and said, "Where'd you get that? Your mom? Your dad?"
After that, everyone in my group was laughing at the kid. The next day I never saw him again.
Once in 4th grade, right now, I told a random tree, "Hey, my day is bad right now, can we hang later?"
The tree said: "Yeah, we are going to be hanging every day :) !!! If you can last :)"
A kid calls out for his mom one day while he is in the tub and says, "Mom come quick! I'm walking on water!"
And the mom runs in and says, "I knew evon whatent yo daddy! I ain't never slept with him a day my life!"