Day jokes

To anyone who wants to be my friend:

Hello.

Does anyone wanna be my friend? Please if ya' do reply to my: "Hello." In the chat. Tysm. Have a greaat day!

Alex <3

Why do orphans only have 363 days in a year? Because there is no Mother's or Father's Day.

So there was this guy who went swimming one day and got his left side bitten off by a shark.

But don't worry, he is all right now.

If you get an apple a day, what does it give you?

Worms and rotten fruit.

Kid says, “Are you a soldier?”

Soldier says, “Mhm.”

Kid says, “I wanna be a soldier someday.”

Soldier says, “Really?”

The kid says, “Yeah, but father says I don’t have the balls to be a soldier, but he’s right. I’m a FUCKING PRETTY PRETTY PRINCESS!!!"

What is your favorite time of day?

One day I went skating and skated for so long that my feet were incredibly sore.

It was like my skates were moving all by themselves, but I decided to just roll with the situation.

Hi, how are you? I was busy doing something right. I just texted because me and my dad were going to.

A delivery service called “Ross Deliveries” was known to be the best in town. They never got anything wrong. One day, Rachelle got a delivery, but when it arrived, it was all broken! How is this possible?

I never said which delivery service she used. Lol.

What time is it when you get home, can you walk walk home and walk walk home to get a car? I love you, you're the night!

Hi 👋, was the day you?

When is Father's Day?

Nine months before Mother's Day.

Why did the person get fired from the calendar factory?

Because they took a day off.

Apparently there was a woman from Australia who had sex with 500 men in one day.

That's like a real life "Your mom" joke.

How does a rapper greet someone on a cold day?

"Yo, is the temperature Ice Cube, or Vanilla Ice?"

I found a place before called an orphanage, but when I was allowed in there were lots of kids, and I said, "Where's your parents? Oh yeah, you're orphans." Gosh, that was one heck of a day!

One day, the milkman came to drop off milk.

The boy asked the milkman, "Do you know where my dad is?"

The milkman replies, "I am your dad," then runs off like Batman!

Person: So, Jimmy, what do you do all day?

Jimmy Savile: Anyone who I can do.

I had a party the other day. I made sure there were vegan options. They make do or fuck off.

My teacher told me to have a good day. SOOOOOOOOOO I went home :)