Day jokes

I was bullying a little kid for having a purple eye and said, "Where'd you get that? Your mom? Your dad?"

After that, everyone in my group was laughing at the kid. The next day I never saw him again.

Once in 4th grade, right now, I told a random tree, "Hey, my day is bad right now, can we hang later?"

The tree said: "Yeah, we are going to be hanging every day :) !!! If you can last :)"

Did I tell you I finally got my wife to scream during sex? Yeah, you should have heard her the other day when I walked in on her.

How's George Floyd doing these days? Being drug-free for a year, he must be feeling pretty swell.

Okay, okay, so one day I was on the way home, and this kid said, "Man, I could kick your butt." Five seconds later, I kicked his butt.

Would you rather have a menstrual period with horrible cramps for 200 days straight (including men)?

Or eat 10 lbs of dog s**t every day for 100 days?

Hey, yesterday I played with my sister. When I woke up, she was gone.

If you have a bad day, just think there are at least 15 people who care about you.

Why do orphans only have 363 days in a year? Because there is no Mother's or Father's Day.

My dad went out with Nemo one day to the store. They still haven't come back.

Oh my Prince, I've loved you ever since the day we met.

When I was caught in your net of love, sweet love... It's all above...

To anyone who wants to be my friend:

Hello.

Does anyone wanna be my friend? Please if ya' do reply to my: "Hello." In the chat. Tysm. Have a greaat day!

Alex <3

So there was this guy who went swimming one day and got his left side bitten off by a shark.

But don't worry, he is all right now.

If you get an apple a day, what does it give you?

Worms and rotten fruit.

Hi 👋, was the day you?

A delivery service called “Ross Deliveries” was known to be the best in town. They never got anything wrong. One day, Rachelle got a delivery, but when it arrived, it was all broken! How is this possible?

I never said which delivery service she used. Lol.

One day I went skating and skated for so long that my feet were incredibly sore.

It was like my skates were moving all by themselves, but I decided to just roll with the situation.

Kid says, “Are you a soldier?”

Soldier says, “Mhm.”

Kid says, “I wanna be a soldier someday.”

Soldier says, “Really?”

The kid says, “Yeah, but father says I don’t have the balls to be a soldier, but he’s right. I’m a FUCKING PRETTY PRETTY PRINCESS!!!"

Hi, how are you? I was busy doing something right. I just texted because me and my dad were going to.

My teacher told me to have a good day. SOOOOOOOOOO I went home :)