Day jokes
So, one day Kylin Banks was playing football. Then he saw Violet. After he saw her, he got bricked up. Then he ran after her and rubbed his pickle all over her. She was so happy.
Why don’t Mexicans have sex education and driver's education on the same day?
Because the donkey gets tired.
What's the difference between you and a calendar?
Calendars got dates.
Wow, he stole my antidepressant toy. The next day, he was on the ground.
One day, a class of children were killed in a bus accident, but only some survived. One was praying that he would survive, and the other said, "First time?"
One day my mom told me not to be an actor. I said, "But mommy, I will make a lot of money!"
One day I went to talk to my friend.
"Hi John!" I said.
No response.
"Oh, yeah."
I went to pick up the remote and clicked the unmute button.
"Hope that helps!"
I’m going back to the house to get some stuff for my dad, and then I’m going to have a car and a birthday party come up for the weekend at the end of the week. I was going to get my birthday cake for the day.
I told a crying kid to wipe his tears and come back smiling.
He never came back the next day, says the local news.
You know, it was so cold in D.C. the other day, I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets.
"Goodness, that's what Post Malone sounds like?"
"Give me some pre-Malone hip hop any day!"
Guy: Are you tired?
His “Crush”: No.
Guy: Are you sure, because you’ve been running through my mind all day?
His “Crush”: That’s sweet.
Guy: I’m joking, you don’t look like you do any running.
Dad: I'll pay you 10 bucks for every day you don't tell a lie.
Next day:
Dad: Son, what's the ugliest thing you've ever seen?
Son: That ugly face of yours, go get a life, gosh, Dad, you're embarrassing.
The dad sulked for 3 whole years.
Proof that words really can hurt.
Your hairline is so far back that you have four faces to wash every day.
One day I visited my friend in a hospital.
I remember when I spoke, "You know, sometimes it's reaching its peak and its lowest state, but I know you'll always end like the others at calming and straight!"
Yes, I talked about the heart monitor beside him.
What's the second hardest thing in the morning?
The first hardest thing. 🍆
Dad: Are you gay?
Kid: Yes.
10 days later.
Kid: I’m going to my girlfriend's house.
Dad: I thought you were gay?
Kid: What’s wrong with you? He’s the girly girl of our relationship, dumba**.
Dad: Don’t swear and okay, bud.
I went to take out the trash, could not find you, so I went back in. The next day I found you.
One day, a lady and her husband were talking and it was time for dinner. He got up and sat at the dining room table, and the lady brought the plate of food in and she sat it down in front of him. "What's this?" he said. The lady said, "A piece of shit...honey! Want some water to drink?"
Build your ex a fire, and they're warm for a day.
Set your ex on fire and hide the smile/evidence.