The 70+ Best Teaching Jokes

Do you know why God created wars? To teach Americans geography.

What is the part of school with all the autistic called? Downtown

A Muslim is about to commit suicide when a Catholic priest stops him "What are you doing?!" Exclaims the priest

"There is nothing on this Earth for me." The Muslim says "I will commit suicide to go to paradise and get 72 virgins!"

The priest shakes his head

"Foolish Muslim, suicide is not the way!" He says

"Follow me, Ill take you to the local primary school."

In preschool, i confessed my love to my crush, and she rejected me. As heartbroken as i was, i sucked it up and went back to teaching.

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

Give a man a fish, and he eats for a day. Teach a Nigerian to phish and he'll become a prince.

Bill Gates teaches a kindergarten class to count to ten. "1, 2, 3, 3.1, 95, 98, ME, 2000, XP, Vista, 7, 8, 10."

Little Johnny walked into the bathroom while his dad was taking a dump. As soon as Little Johnny walked in his dad let out a big FART! Little Johnny said “WHAT WAS THAT?” His dad said “ That was the sound of the north wind. The next day his teacher asked the class “ What’s the direction of the north wind?” Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher called on him and he said “TEACH IT’S MY DADDY’S BOOTY!”

It's funny how teachers are supposed to educate new lives but only teach certain kids how much they want to commit suicide and how many ways there are.

Why did God make men? Because you can't teach a vibrator how to mow the lawn.... =^..^=

I have a the best life coach ever, because he taught to not care. He did it so well that he died last week, and I still don’t care.

Little Johnny is in class one day and little Timmy starts laughing. The teacher says what's so funny? He said I can see your bra strap. The teacher says don't come back to class for a week, so he get up and walked out. A few minutes later little Billy starts laughing, and she ask what's funny now? Little Billy said I can see both of your bra straps. The teacher says get out of my class room for a month. So little Billy got pissed he walked out and slammed the door, this scared the teacher and she dropped the chalk. She picked it up then she stood back up and she sees little Johnny walking out of the classroom. She asked where do you think your going? He said well teach after what I saw I'm done with school for a lifetime.

When I was teaching my dog tricks, a Chinese man came to me and asked why was I playing with my food.

I wasn’t understanding what I had to do for homework, so my teacher said “ Let me break it down for you like the twin towers.”

Teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime.

Teach a feminist to fish and she will accuse you of patronising her, claim she knew how to do it anyway and that even if she didn’t, she could easily work it out without the help of a man.

35. How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they all sit in the dark and cry. 41. To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked tacos. Then I made pizza because they don’t live in a swing state. 43. You’re not completely useless. You can always be used as a bad example.