Dating jokes

I lent a hot girl my umbrella yesterday. That takes the number of girls I've made wet this year to -1.

I was walking down the street when I saw my ex-girlfriend, so I fucked her. Turns out it was her identical twins that she never told me about.

And I decided to confront her. So I did the next time I saw her, but this time it was her identical triplet. There are 3 of them...

AND SHE NEVER BROUGHT THAT UP IN THE 7 YEARS I WAS DATING HER!

I have a crush on a girl and both her parents are millionaires.

I guess that gives the term "Eat the rich" a whole new meaning.

Me and a girl went on a walk...

Then she noticed me, then we went for a run. :)

You must be from Pearl Harbor, 'cause baby, you're the bomb!

Can all the hot, depressed, suicidal guys just text me so we can meet up and cry together about how depressed we are. For real.

12/8?

When Lexa took Clarke out on a date, she walked past the candle shop, and she bought all the candles. After the date, they went back to the Heda's (Commander's) Tower, which is basically a huge candle. "All I wanna do is Candle you!"

Thank God I went on the tenth.

In Junior High, we had to do a report on euthanasia. I misunderstood the report and wrote about how I'd really like a Korean girlfriend.

What’s something you can say at a Christian summer camp and during a blind date?

"Good Lord, this is fun!"

Today a girl asked me how big my dick is, so I asked how big her pussy is, and she said, "Come over to my house and find out!"

Girl: "...I like you... do you like me back?"

Me: "Nope."

Girl: *is depressed* "Oh okay...."

Me: "You never said \"love\"".

Girl: "Oh! well do you love me?"

Me: "Frick no."

I could never date a midget.

We would never see eye to eye.

What is a pedophile's favorite dating site?

Kinder

I like my women like a day: 24 year olds. 24 hours of fun.

My last relationship ended because my ex-girlfriend accused me of being a rapist. I'm not upset. To be honest, I didn't like her anyway. She kept telling me I never listen, or something like that.

I once told Siri, "Hey Siri, why am I still single?" She opened the front camera.

Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make. Then they call me ugly and poor.

Are you a wild girl, cause I want to catch you with my pokeballs?