Dating jokes

Three guys walk into a bar: one Asian, one American, one Black.

A girl walks in and says if all three of your D*** sizes don't add up to 12 inches, I will shoot you.

First comes the American with 3 inches, then the Black man with 8.

It totals out to 11 and they look at the Asian and say "Oh no."

He comes to 1 inch to top off the twelve.

She walks away and says ok.

The Asian says, "You're lucky she was hot, so I had a boner!"

Guess how I'm getting laid tonight?

"I'm stronger than you."

"You're pretty, let me take you on a date!" Sike, I lied. You're ugly and fried. What you talking about?

What do you call an emo dating another emo?

The suicide duo.

I like my women like a day: 24 year olds. 24 hours of fun.

What's the best thing about having sex with a 26-year-old?

There's 20 of them.

What happened to the woman who dated a rapist?

She was date raped.

Are you a race car?

Cuz I’m tryna fuck.

Alicia was not a popular girl. None of the guys noticed her. Once she got a boyfriend, but then he cheated on her with Katy and said, "You're not sexy enough, Katy is much hotter."

So Alicia took a match, set herself on fire, and screamed, "THIS GIRL IS ON FIRE!"

And then she died.

These days, dating life is hard. You put yourself out there, and it's hard to find someone. The only thing to do is turn to family.

Why do men sag their pants so low and still wear a belt?

The same reason women bring their purse on a date and don't pay.

Ever notice 9-1-1 (the number for the po-po) is the Great Date (9-11)... Hmmm.

A man is dating three women and has to choose which one he'll marry. He decides to give them a test. He gives each woman a present of $5000 and watches to see what she does with the money.

The first woman does a total make-over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new make up, and buys several new outfits to look sexy for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much. The man was impressed.

The second woman goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much. Again, the man is impressed.

The third woman invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much. Obviously, the man was impressed.

The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money... Then he married the one with the biggest tits.

A killer gone up to 5 people and killed 4 of them. There were 2 couples and 1 third wheel. The 5th one was left single out...

I don't ever really bother women, but when I do, I usually just want to talk. I guess since I just so happened to be a straight male that's not a 10 or a 5, I get shutdown so fast. I put out lit candles...like damn, I thought I hid my ring.

This is not a joke. Stop online dating.

Why is 4/20 such an epic date?

Because it's weed day, Columbine, AND Hitler's birthday;)

How can you tell a blonde likes you? She ducks you two nights in a row.

I could never date a midget.

We would never see eye to eye.

A girl is meeting this Muslim for a date, and she asks him, "So are you Indian?"

And the Muslim goes, "No, bitch, I ain't 7-Eleven, I'm 9/11!"