Dating jokes
Men should pay for dates because women have to pay for expensive things like makeup because God didn’t finish their faces.
I just had a birthday party last week at my crib. I invited two fine, beautiful looking women. One was skinny and her name was Kelly, and the other one was overweight and her name was Chiquita.
Both of them came by. I told Chiquita only Kelly can stay and enjoy my birthday. You can't, you're too fat and clumsy, and I don't have any food or drinks for you, so see ya later, nutty professor.
You know why I only date disabled people? Cause they can't get away.
Me: Breathe right now if you wanna date me.
Are you a raisin? Because you’re raisin' my dick.
My love life.
Your taste in men is like my taste in humor: dark.
Dating a stripper is like eating a bag of chips in class.
Everyone looks at you in disgust, but deep down inside they want some too.
A blind woman tells her boyfriend that she’s seeing someone. It’s either terrible news or great news.
Last week a girl asked me for sex. I had to disappoint her… so I said yes.
Where do you buy a dishwasher?
Hot singles in your area.
How can you tell a blonde likes you? She ducks you two nights in a row.
I dated a furry once.
The relationship didn't work out, she was a cheetah.
Whenever I have a one night stand, I always use protection.
A fake name and a fake phone number.
Him: What's the difference between Incestry.com and Ancestry.com?
Her: What?
Him: Nothing, either way you will be dating your cousin.
Why do Indian guys never have gfs? Because they always pick curry and biryani over girls.
Are your parents bakers? Because you're a cutie pie.
Are you a loan? Because you've got my interest.
Is your dad a boxer? Because you’re a knockout!
If you were a vegetable, you’d be a cute-cumber.
Are you an artist? Because you’re really good at drawing me in.
I believe in following my dreams. Can I have your Instagram?
If you were a fruit, you’d be a fine-apple.
If you were a flower, you'd be a daaaaaamn-delion!
There was a girl I used to date, only to find out that she used to be a man. You could say, she put me in a trans.
Girls are like a bus; you might miss the first bus and catch the second bus.
Your girlfriend/boyfriend says: "I'm dating your uncle..." You start crying and you look under the bed and your uncle says: "Damn."