Dating jokes

Are you a school? Because I want to shoot a bunch of kids in you.

Can two high-femme lesbians go on a date with each other?

Yes, but it will take them forever to get ready.

EVERYONE:

"My boyfriend, Danny, broke up with me. Can some hot guy come, so I can interview them and see if they wanna date me?"

Why are the Twin Towers actually twins?

Their birth and death date are the same.

When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don't find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates.

Why do people like dating us emo girls? Because of the texture on our thighs.

What does a lesbian bring on the second date?

A U-Haul.

I hate when my brother dates other people.

Just kidding! 😵😵😵😵

"Hey, is that a peach?"

*gets slapped on the butt*

"Noted."

A man has been dating a girl forever. He finally says, "I love you." The girl says, "Aww, thanks." The man looks at her, "Are you not gonna say it back?" The girl says, "No, I can’t."

Why can’t orphans date?

Because they have no one to call "daddy."

I encountered a milf at a bar last night. Although she is 57 years old, she is still very charming and sexy.

We were drinking, chatting, laughing, and having a good time.

Then, she asked me flirtatiously,

"Have you ever tried a mother-daughter threesome before?"

I said, "Nope, not yet."

She drank a little more, and said, "Well, darling, tonight is your lucky night."

So she took me to her place.

She took out her keys, opens her door, turns on the light, and she yells towards upstairs,

"Mom, are you still awake?"

Today a girl asked me how big my dick is, so I asked how big her pussy is, and she said, "Come over to my house and find out!"

I like my men like I like my whiskey: Irish and put in a barrel for 2 years with barely any oxygen.

A guy starts chatting to a pretty woman at a party.

Seeing that she didn't back off, he asked her name. "Carmen," she replied. "That's a nice name," he said, warming up the conversation. "Who named you, your mother?"

"No, I named myself," she answered.

"Oh, that's interesting. Why Carmen?"

"Because I like cars, and I like men," she said, looking directly into his eyes. "So what's your name?" she asked.

‘BJ Titsngolf’

I think people should date orphans, because their parents are never home.

What do girls and rocks have in common?

The flat ones get skipped.

I asked a girl I met if I could take her out to dinner.

The joke is I knew right after she said, "I'll call you," she was lying to me, not surprised even a little.

The next joke was a part of me hoped she would call, but did I really think she was going to? I'll never be good enough for anyone, what was I thinking, why did I even bother to ask her in the first place? I think it was just to prove I was right, I'm unwanted.

LONELINESS EQUALS SADNESS.

I like my dates like I like my wine...

Locked in a cellar and aged for 12 years.

How do fuck a really fat chick?

Roll her in flour and look for the wet spot.