Dating jokes
This bitch won't message me anymore, what the fuck do I do? Why are bitches so sensitive?
Why were the twin towers actually twins?
Their birth and death date are the same!
If I don't get a bf by the end of this month, Christmas lights won't be the only thing hanging from the roof.
I have no problem getting dates online. I’ve also had luck with almonds, cashews, and walnuts.
For our anniversary, I gave my girlfriend a picture of me inside a pistachio.
But that’s just me in a nutshell.
On my Tinder profile, I said, "I prefer quality over quantity." I just thought it sounded nicer than saying "no fat birds."
Are you a school? Because I want to shoot a bunch of kids in you.
Can two high-femme lesbians go on a date with each other?
Yes, but it will take them forever to get ready.
EVERYONE:
"My boyfriend, Danny, broke up with me. Can some hot guy come, so I can interview them and see if they wanna date me?"
Why are the Twin Towers actually twins?
Their birth and death date are the same.
When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don't find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates.
Why do people like dating us emo girls? Because of the texture on our thighs.
What does a lesbian bring on the second date?
A U-Haul.
I hate when my brother dates other people.
Just kidding! 😵😵😵😵
"Hey, is that a peach?"
*gets slapped on the butt*
"Noted."
A man has been dating a girl forever. He finally says, "I love you." The girl says, "Aww, thanks." The man looks at her, "Are you not gonna say it back?" The girl says, "No, I can’t."
Why can’t orphans date?
Because they have no one to call "daddy."
I encountered a milf at a bar last night. Although she is 57 years old, she is still very charming and sexy.
We were drinking, chatting, laughing, and having a good time.
Then, she asked me flirtatiously,
"Have you ever tried a mother-daughter threesome before?"
I said, "Nope, not yet."
She drank a little more, and said, "Well, darling, tonight is your lucky night."
So she took me to her place.
She took out her keys, opens her door, turns on the light, and she yells towards upstairs,
"Mom, are you still awake?"
Today a girl asked me how big my dick is, so I asked how big her pussy is, and she said, "Come over to my house and find out!"
I like my men like I like my whiskey: Irish and put in a barrel for 2 years with barely any oxygen.