Dating jokes

I don't ever really bother women, but when I do, I usually just want to talk. I guess since I just so happened to be a straight male that's not a 10 or a 5, I get shutdown so fast. I put out lit candles...like damn, I thought I hid my ring.

It's funny dating someone smarter than you. My girlfriend knows how to push my buttons but never takes into account what a dick I can be if need be. Let me explain. Say, for example, she calls me retarded, I remind her that she's dating me.

You guys wanna hear a joke?

My LOVE LIFE.

Alicia was not a popular girl. None of the guys noticed her. Once she got a boyfriend, but then he cheated on her with Katy and said, "You're not sexy enough, Katy is much hotter."

So Alicia took a match, set herself on fire, and screamed, "THIS GIRL IS ON FIRE!"

And then she died.

Roses are red. Violets are blue. If he's busy on Valentine's Day, the side chick is you.

Are you a wild girl, cause I want to catch you with my pokeballs?

A boy was following me for 8 years, even into the stall. I finally told him I’m not gay.

Why does Ms. Mushroom 🍄 go out with Mr. Mushroom 🍄?

Because he’s a fungi.

You'll never be lonely at cousinsonly.com.

Friend: I'm gonna go ask out my crush.

Me: *fake sneezes* Sorry, I'm allergic to bullshit.

Why did the strawberry 🍓 go out with a banana? Because it could not find a date.

I heard oxygen and magnesium were dating, and I was like, "OMg!"

The Cheerio Joke

Let's say you're in high school, and your popularity level was based on what Cheerio you are. So there's Extra-Frosty Cheerios as the most popular kids, the frosted Cheerios were the popular kids, the Regular Cheerios as the typical normal kid, then there's the honey nut Cheerios as the nerds and geeks, and then there's your Cheerio which is the Chocolate Cheerios. Now you want to ask this girl who's an extra frosty, you go up to her and ask her to Homecoming, but she declines.

So after school gets out, you go home and rewind. The next day you wake up feeling like a honey nut Cheerio, so you go up to her again and ask her again, she still says no. So you go home and rewind again and wake up the next morning feeling like a Regular Cheerio. So you go to school and ask her again, she still declines. So you go home and rewind again. The next morning, you wake up feeling like a frosty Cheerio. So you go up to her and ask again, still says no. Then you go home and unwind. The next day you wake up feeling like an extra frosty Cheerio. Feeling doubtful, you go up to her one last time and ask her. She finally says yes.

The next day is Homecoming, and you and your date are on the dance floor, and she wants punch. So she tells you that she's going to go get punch. She goes and gets punch and is back in 30 seconds. You ask her why it was so fast. She replies with; "Oh there wasn't a punch line."

Why couldn’t 3 ask 4 on a date?

Because he was 2 squared.

Once upon a time, three babies were born in 2015. She was always crying for 2015. He loves her birth date. 🤗😈🤗🤕🤒no🤗🤑😱😎🙌🙏🙈🙉🙊

Man asking waitress, "Pardon me, miss, may I ask you about the menu, please?"

Waitress, "It's none of your business about the men I please!"

The date is April 1st.

Somebody asks you what you are doing.

“I guess you could say I’m... fooling around ( ✧≖ ͜ʖ≖)“

My step bro thought I was single and tried to take me, but I said, "I'm take." And guess what he did? He cried.

Why? Why would you do that?

Most states:

"It's ok, it won't be awkward. We're still friends."

Alabama:

"She didn't wanna be my girlfriend anymore. But she said she'll still be my sister."

Him: What's the difference between Incestry.com and Ancestry.com?

Her: What?

Him: Nothing, either way you will be dating your cousin.