Dating jokes

Q. What's a necrophiliac's favorite dating site? A. Find a Grave.

I saw names carved into a tree and thought it was romantic. Until I realized how many people bring knives on dates.

I dated a lot of girls before I married my wife. I was living with one of them when I arrived home one day to find her bags packed and next to the door. I asked her, "Baby, what's going on?" She said, "I'm leaving you."

"But why?" I replied.

"Because you're a pedophile!" she answered.

"That's a pretty big word for a six-year-old," I said.

Is your MBTI type INFP? Cause you're so FiNe.

About to go on a date.

But she was late.

So I got some tape.

And eventually punished her with rape.

Been single for a couple of years and then I met this Muslim girl. She soon put the spark back into things.

What made you suddenly lose interest in someone you were pursuing?

When I found out they liked me back. Not interested in someone with poor judgment.

So I was at a restaurant and I really hit it off with the waitress, so one thing led to another and I'm at her place and she was really nice at the IHOP but when I was there with her she was all like "ahhh! what are you doing!?!?!? how did you get in my house?!?!?" and then she punched me and I'm the one who ended up in prison.

Wanna make out, Explain Bear?

Girl, are you a rope? Because I want to hang with you.

What did the skeleton get when he saw goth girls?......A boner.

I met an African girl the other night, we spoke for hours.

We just clicked.

Why do men give cold women their jackets?

No man wants a blowjob from a woman with chattering teeth.

Trying to find a good parking spot is a lot like trying to find a girlfriend.

If you can’t find one, you stick it in the disabled spot and hope nobody finds out.

Sophia matched with a midget on Tinder.

Midget: Hey! What’s up?

Sophia: Well technically everything is, from your perspective!

You know how bad of a person you are when you figure out how long you wait to smash. For me and my girlfriend, it was between the first plane crash and the last tower falling.

Why are Black women dating white men?

So their kids don’t have to worry about not meeting their father.

Who cooks in a lesbian relationship?

Neither one of them, they eat out.

Are you an archaeologist? Because I’ve got a bone for you to examine.

Do you have a shovel? Because I'm digging that ass.