Dating jokes
I have to file a complaint against Spotify because I didn’t see you on my hot singles last week.
Roses are red, violets are blue. I have five fingers, two of them are for you.
Rapboat has to drug his own drink to get laid.
I was out to dinner with my 19 year old girlfriend. I, being 47, had many people shouting at me and calling me a creep.
It really ruined our 10th anniversary.
How did the Emo kid bag all the cheerleaders?
He hit them all when he started shooting his shot.
This is not a joke. Stop online dating.
What does it mean when a man has a dodgy past? It means he has skeletons in his closet.
What does it mean when a man likes Lana Del Rey better than Ed Sheeran? It means he has a closet full of women's leather pants (but no women in their dating history).
My girlfriend gave me the best blowjobs, then she grew teeth.
Girls are like blackjack.
I always want 21 but end up hitting on 14.
I asked the gym trainer what type of machine I should use to get the best looking women.
He said the ATM outside.
Dating 101:
Here's what you do:
1. Dinner. 2. Kiss. 3. Movie. 4. Sex. 5. Bring her back home. 6. Get paid 15 bucks for babysitting.
How did the Emo ask the other Emo out?
"Wanna hang together?"
Why is it so hard to break up with a Japanese girl?
You have to drop the bomb twice before she gets it.
How does Hellen Keller meet men?
She goes on blind dates.
A couple is on their first date.
Man: How do you feel about sex?
Woman: I like it infrequently.
Man: I see. Is that one word or two?
One way to not pick up a girl is to say, “Are you an American school because I wanna shoot kids into you?” I tried it on a girl, and she is now terrified to come near me.
How was I supposed to know she was already pregnant?
One twin tower had a girlfriend. The other twin tower had the same girlfriend, so they both went down.
A blind woman tells her boyfriend that she’s seeing someone. It’s either terrible news or great news.
Men should pay for the first date, that’s why it’s called a (men)u.
Then women should do the dishes, that’s why they call it a dish wash(her).
Q: How did Rihanna find out Chris Brown was cheating on her?
A: She found another woman’s lipstick on his knuckles.