Dating jokes

What does it mean when a man has a dodgy past? It means he has skeletons in his closet.

What does it mean when a man likes Lana Del Rey better than Ed Sheeran? It means he has a closet full of women's leather pants (but no women in their dating history).

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    • I asked the gym trainer what type of machine I should use to get the best looking women.

    He said the ATM outside.

    Dating 101:

    Here's what you do:

    1. Dinner. 2. Kiss. 3. Movie. 4. Sex. 5. Bring her back home. 6. Get paid 15 bucks for babysitting.

    A couple is on their first date.

    Man: How do you feel about sex?

    Woman: I like it infrequently.

    Man: I see. Is that one word or two?

    One way to not pick up a girl is to say, “Are you an American school because I wanna shoot kids into you?” I tried it on a girl, and she is now terrified to come near me.

    How was I supposed to know she was already pregnant?

    One twin tower had a girlfriend. The other twin tower had the same girlfriend, so they both went down.

    A blind woman tells her boyfriend that she’s seeing someone. It’s either terrible news or great news.

    Men should pay for the first date, that’s why it’s called a (men)u.

    Then women should do the dishes, that’s why they call it a dish wash(her).

    Q: How did Rihanna find out Chris Brown was cheating on her?

    A: She found another woman’s lipstick on his knuckles.

    I dated a furry once.

    The relationship didn't work out, she was a cheetah.

    This isn’t much of a joke, but here's a pickup line. Are you a marshmallow? Because I wanna put my stick in you.

    "I work with animals," the guy says to his Tinder date.

    "That's so sweet," she replies. "I like a man who loves animals. Where do you work?"

    "I'm a butcher," he says.

    I dated a girl, and I didn’t know she was previously in an abusive relationship.

    I thought she just REALLY hated high-fives.