Dating jokes

As a son, I set up a home date with my mom and my friend because I was going out of town. I set it up by telling my friend that my mom thinks he is cute, and I told my mom that my friend thinks that she is hot.

I came home the next day. I see in the living room my friend giving it to my mom doggy style. I ask what's going on. My mom said to me, "Meet your new daddy," then my friend said, "Hey son, get me a beer from the fridge."

Imagine the only way you can get laid is if you force it. 😂 Loser!

There was a girl I used to date, only to find out that she used to be a man. You could say, she put me in a trans.

Hey, are you suicide? Because I want to do you!

I would kiss your lips, but your legs are blocking the way.

If you know, you know. 😏😏

(Best pick-up line ever). Your body is like 9/11. I wanna crash into your twin towers. 😏

What did Mickey Mouse say to Minnie Mouse: "I don't use condoms; I use my drawbridge."

A boy in nursery asked a girl out. She ran away crying in fear, so he just went back to teaching.

What do rocks and girls have in common?

The flat ones get skipped.

So, one day Kylin Banks was playing football. Then he saw Violet. After he saw her, he got bricked up. Then he ran after her and rubbed his pickle all over her. She was so happy.

Last week a girl asked me for sex. I had to disappoint her... so I said yes.

Your mum is so cute that I asked for her number and she said yes, and now we're dating.

So, a man finds a woman on a train track while he's on his way to a bar, and they had a lot of sex.

When he gets to the bar, he brags about the different sex positions they used, and one of the guys says, "Oh, did you do head?"

He responded with, "No, I couldn't find the head."

I had sex with my German girlfriend; it was kinda weird though. She kept yelling her age. I don't know why.

What is white, blue eyed, blonde haired and somehow was made in Galilee during the Roman occupation?

An Italian Renaissance painting that was carbon dated.

I will make a funny joke if you let me be your boyfriend. I'm 19 and I am Russian.

Bro, Asian girls have the weirdest names. I was fucking one and she kept on saying, "I'm Tu Yung."

What is the worst thing you can find out about a woman on a first date?

She claims to have been raped. Then, you know to get as far away from her as possible because she's probably a feminazi bitch.

Yo, hairline as long as George Washington's date of birth.

Lemme treat you like I treat my homework: slam you on my desk and do you all night.