Dating jokes

I would kiss your lips, but your legs are blocking the way.

If you know, you know. 😏😏

(Best pick-up line ever). Your body is like 9/11. I wanna crash into your twin towers. 😏

What did Mickey Mouse say to Minnie Mouse: "I don't use condoms; I use my drawbridge."

A boy in nursery asked a girl out. She ran away crying in fear, so he just went back to teaching.

What do rocks and girls have in common?

The flat ones get skipped.

So, one day Kylin Banks was playing football. Then he saw Violet. After he saw her, he got bricked up. Then he ran after her and rubbed his pickle all over her. She was so happy.

Last week a girl asked me for sex. I had to disappoint her... so I said yes.

Your mum is so cute that I asked for her number and she said yes, and now we're dating.

So, a man finds a woman on a train track while he's on his way to a bar, and they had a lot of sex.

When he gets to the bar, he brags about the different sex positions they used, and one of the guys says, "Oh, did you do head?"

He responded with, "No, I couldn't find the head."

I had sex with my German girlfriend; it was kinda weird though. She kept yelling her age. I don't know why.

What is white, blue eyed, blonde haired and somehow was made in Galilee during the Roman occupation?

An Italian Renaissance painting that was carbon dated.

I will make a funny joke if you let me be your boyfriend. I'm 19 and I am Russian.

Bro, Asian girls have the weirdest names. I was, like, with one, and she kept on saying, "I'm too young."

What is the worst thing you can find out about a woman on a first date?

She claims to have been raped. Then, you know to get as far away from her as possible because she's probably a feminazi bitch.

Yo, hairline as long as George Washington's date of birth.

Lemme treat you like I treat my homework: slam you on my desk and do you all night.

Question: What is the BIG ADVANTAGE to going out on a date with a "Homeless Chic"?

Answer: After the date, you can "Drop Her Off" ANYWHERE!

What excuse can you use if you find out your date is a rape victim and you don't want the baggage?

Say you've parked your car in a bad spot and are just going to move it, then move your car all the way back to your home address.

Do you wanna know how I recently seduced an obese woman? Actually, it was a piece of cake.

I was walking down the street when I saw my ex-girlfriend, so I fucked her. Turns out it was her identical twins that she never told me about.

And I decided to confront her. So I did the next time I saw her, but this time it was her identical triplet. There are 3 of them...

AND SHE NEVER BROUGHT THAT UP IN THE 7 YEARS I WAS DATING HER!