Dating jokes

Umbrella

I lent a hot girl my umbrella yesterday. That takes the number of girls I've made wet this year to -1.

  • 3
  • Bullshit

    Friend: I'm gonna go ask out my crush.

    Me: *fake sneezes* Sorry, I'm allergic to bullshit.

    Alabama

    Most states:

    "It's ok, it won't be awkward. We're still friends."

    Alabama:

    "She didn't wanna be my girlfriend anymore. But she said she'll still be my sister."

    Johnny Depp

    Johnny Depp once said in an interview: "I get older, my girlfriends stay the same age."

    Maybe Johnny Depp's soulmate isn't born yet. We'll see in 20-25 years.

    Memes

    Sex

    What's the best part about having sex with 28 year olds? There are 20 of them.

    Difference

    What's the difference between you and Jesus? Your parents remember Jesus's birth date.

  • 5
  • Butcher

    FIRST DATE

    Man: "I work with animals every day." Woman: "Oh, how sweet! What is it that you do?" Man: "I'm a butcher..."

    Nothing

    I asked my girlfriend what she wanted to eat.

    She said nothing, so I took her to Africa.

    Car

    Why is parking a car like finding a girlfriend?

    All the good ones are taken, so you stick it in the disabled one and hope nobody notices.

  • 1
  • Name

    Chinese kid was born before the due date. Parents name him "Sudden Lee."

    Threesome

    I encountered a milf at a bar last night. Although she is 57 years old, she is still very charming and sexy.

    We were drinking, chatting, laughing, and having a good time.

    Then, she asked me flirtatiously,

    "Have you ever tried a mother-daughter threesome before?"

    I said, "Nope, not yet."

    She drank a little more, and said, "Well, darling, tonight is your lucky night."

    So she took me to her place.

    She took out her keys, opens her door, turns on the light, and she yells towards upstairs,

    "Mom, are you still awake?"

    Butcher

    At a date:

    He: "I work with animals every day."

    Me: "Oh, how sweet! What do you do?"

    He: "I'm a butcher."

  • 2
  • Date

    I was going on a date when I decided to put on Penaldo’s PR7 cologne to smell good. As I put on the cologne, my skin started to turn invisible!

    I then realized the cologne had made me turn into a ghost 👻. Shame on you, Penaldo, for ruining my date 😡!

    Bomb

    Pickup lines in 2022 are like: "Are you Russia? Because your bombs are so big!"

    Christmas

    If I'm still single by Christmas, Santa won't be the only one jumping off a roof.

    Computer

    The first computer dates back to Adam and Eve. It was an Apple with limited memory, just one byte. And then everything crashed.

  • 1
  • Wine

    I was sitting on my own in a restaurant when I saw a beautiful woman at another table. I sent her a bottle of the most expensive wine on the menu. She sent me a note, “I will not touch a drop of this wine unless you can assure me that you have seven inches in your pocket.” I wrote back, “Give me the wine. As gorgeous as you are, I'm not cutting off three inches for anyone.”