Dating jokes

I like my men like I like my whiskey: Irish and put in a barrel for 2 years with barely any oxygen.

What does a lesbian bring on the second date?

A U-Haul.

At the restaurant, the waitress starts flirting with me. "She must have COVID," my wife said. "Why?" I asked. "'Cause she clearly has no taste." She responded.

Pickup line; Hey mama, you school? Cuz I'd like to shoot some kids up in you.

Why can’t the blind man find love?

It’s called love at first sight.

Girls are just like rocks; the flat ones get skipped.

I'm at my happiest point in life. I'm dating someone that's autistic, and I was just saying I needed someone special in my life.

I met this girl at a bar and started doing her from behind. Everything was great until she turned and said, "My turn!"

Lemme treat you like I treat my homework: slam you on my desk and do you all night.

I want to date depression cuz at least I know they won't leave me.

The woman saw a cute lookin' cop. She had pulled up right next to him and said, "Hey, can I get your number?" He said, "Yeah, it's 911," and drove off.

I just went on a date with a woman in a wheelchair.

I stood her up, which made her fall for me. At first it was a drag, but now we’re rolling.

Are you a raisin? Because you’re raisin' my dick.

Do you have a shovel? Because I'm digging that ass.

Are you an archaeologist? Because I’ve got a bone for you to examine.

What do you call 2 Indians on a dating website? Connect the dots.

What does milk and a kid with cancer have in common?

An expiration date.

Jill goes home one night with a guy she met at a club. He's tall, super hot, and seems different than most guys she meets. They arrive at his place and head straight to his room. Jill can't help but notice a shelf full of teddy bears. On the bottom are small teddy bears, on the middle are medium-sized teddy bears, and finally, on the top are large teddy bears, all lined up beside each other.

She begins to think that he is sentimental and sweet, and isn't afraid to show it. Her heart melts and she want to give him the best night of his life. She gives him a blowjob, and lets him really give it to her, and even takes it in the rear! In the morning, she slowly gets dressed, and smiles at him and asks, "How was that?" He nods and says, "Not too fuckin' bad at all. Help yourself to a prize on the second shelf!"

Son: Dad, Dad, OMG, OMG, OMG, OMG!!!!!!!

Dad: What's wrong? Are you OK?!

Son: Mia asked me out on a date on February 30th!

Dad: 'Cause there's no February 30th?

What is the worst thing about breaking up with a Japanese girl?

You need to drop the bomb twice on her before she gets it.