Dating Jokes

Girls are just like rocks; the flat ones get skipped.

I met this girl at a bar and started doing her from behind. Everything was great until she turned and said, "My turn!"

I went on a walk with a super pretty girl, then she saw me and it turned into a run.

I'm at my happiest point in life. I'm dating someone that's autistic, and I was just saying I needed someone special in my life.

I saw a beautiful homeless girl and asked if I could take her out on a date. She politely accepted and enjoyed herself. Soon after, I asked if I could take her home, she smiled and nodded her head. Her smile disappeared when she saw me running away with her cardboard box.

Lol me be like

The meme shows two screenshots of characters from the Simpsons. In the top frame, Moe is making a slightly confused face, and it says "Me making jokes." Below, Homer is making a disgusted face, and it says "A guy wants to date me".

Lemme treat you like I treat my homework: slam you on my desk and do you all night.

The woman saw a cute lookin' cop. She had pulled up right next to him and said, "Hey, can I get your number?" He said, "Yeah, it's 911," and drove off.

I want to date depression cuz at least I know they won't leave me.

What does a lesbian bring on the second date?

A U-Haul.

Do you have a shovel? Because I'm digging that ass.

Are you a raisin? Because you’re raisin' my dick.

Are you an archaeologist? Because I’ve got a bone for you to examine.

I just went on a date with a woman in a wheelchair.

I stood her up, which made her fall for me. At first it was a drag, but now we’re rolling.

What do you call 2 Indians on a dating website? Connect the dots.

Why can’t the blind man find love?

It’s called love at first sight.

What does milk and a kid with cancer have in common?

An expiration date.

Jill goes home one night with a guy she met at a club. He's tall, super hot, and seems different than most guys she meets. They arrive at his place and head straight to his room. Jill can't help but notice a shelf full of teddy bears. On the bottom are small teddy bears, on the middle are medium-sized teddy bears, and finally, on the top are large teddy bears, all lined up beside each other.

She begins to think that he is sentimental and sweet, and isn't afraid to show it. Her heart melts and she want to give him the best night of his life. She gives him a blowjob, and lets him really give it to her, and even takes it in the rear! In the morning, she slowly gets dressed, and smiles at him and asks, "How was that?" He nods and says, "Not too fuckin' bad at all. Help yourself to a prize on the second shelf!"