Expiration date jokes
Why was the emo kid sad? Because his bar code expired.
What does milk and a kid with cancer have in common?
An expiration date.
Why should you be friends with emos? Because you get to scan their bar code for 20% off, and when it expires, they get rid of themselves.
If you have an overdose on a drug and die, then the lethal dose would be a lifetime supply.
Is it weird that a milk carton has a date, and I don’t?
I caught my wife this morning gazing at our marriage license of long ago that hangs upon our wall with tears in her eye!
Almost got teary eyed myself until she told me she was only looking for the expiration date!
What do you call butter without an expiration date?
A miracle butter, because wow!
Why does sour cream have an expiration date?
That time when you realize that Osama bin Laden and Carrie Underwood share the same birthday...
Son: Dad, Dad, OMG, OMG, OMG, OMG!!!!!!!
Dad: What's wrong? Are you OK?!
Son: Mia asked me out on a date on February 30th!
Dad: 'Cause there's no February 30th?
Can February march? -- No, but April may.
Birthdays are weird. We celebrate being one year closer to dying. And we celebrate it with friends and family, which is totally not how we'll die.
We're all gonna die alone, not surrounded by friends and family.
Did you hear about the two guys who stole a calendar?
No?
They both got six months.