Dating jokes

I brought my girlfriend home and introduced her to my family. My kids liked her, but my wife seemed upset.

I went on a walk last night with a really hot girl. Then she noticed me, and we went for a run.

Are you suicide, cause you’re always on my mind?

So I was sitting on the couch with a woman, and I asked her, "Does this napkin smell like chloroform?"

As a 13 year old, online dating is a tough thing.

Every time I meet someone new, they end up in jail.

Why do people like dating us emo girls? Because of the texture on our thighs.

(This is a fucked up pick up line). Are you a building? Because I rate you 9/11.

In Saudi Arabia, our pick up lines are, "Girl, are you a terrorist? Cuz you da bomb."

"How is your long distance relationship going?" -- "So far, so good."

What is a pedophile's favorite dating site?

Kinder

Today, I asked my phone, "Siri, why am I still single?" and it activated the front camera.

Girls are like blackjack; you shoot for 21, but I keep hitting 14.

Dating a stripper is like eating a bag of chips in class.

Everyone looks at you in disgust, but deep down inside they want some too.

Why is it best to date suicidal women? Because if there's no pulse, there's no need for consent.

My boyfriend told me to stop acting like a flamingo. So I had to put my foot down.

Are you a school? Because I want to shoot a bunch of kids in you.

What do girls and rocks have in common?

The flat ones get skipped.

What does the cannibal do after he dumps his girlfriend?

He wipes his butt.

What's the best part of dating a homeless girl?

You can drop her off anywhere.

The furniture store keeps calling me back... But all I wanted was that one nightstand.