Dating jokes
I brought my girlfriend home and introduced her to my family. My kids liked her, but my wife seemed upset.
Are you suicide, cause you’re always on my mind?
A woman went out on a date and said, “I’m thirty-one with the body of a sixteen-year-old.” The man responded, “Wanna show me? 😏” The woman took him back to her house and opened her freezer and said, “Take a look.”
(This is a fucked up pick up line). Are you a building? Because I rate you 9/11.
So I was sitting on the couch with a woman, and I asked her, "Does this napkin smell like chloroform?"
As a 13 year old, online dating is a tough thing.
Every time I meet someone new, they end up in jail.
What is a pedophile's favorite dating site?
Kinder
Today, I asked my phone, "Siri, why am I still single?" and it activated the front camera.
In Saudi Arabia, our pick up lines are, "Girl, are you a terrorist? Cuz you da bomb."
"How is your long distance relationship going?" -- "So far, so good."
Girls are like blackjack; you shoot for 21, but I keep hitting 14.
Why do people like dating us emo girls? Because of the texture on our thighs.
Dating a stripper is like eating a bag of chips in class.
Everyone looks at you in disgust, but deep down inside they want some too.
My boyfriend told me to stop acting like a flamingo. So I had to put my foot down.
Are you a school? Because I want to shoot a bunch of kids in you.
Why is it best to date suicidal women? Because if there's no pulse, there's no need for consent.
What does the cannibal do after he dumps his girlfriend?
He wipes his butt.
What do girls and rocks have in common?
The flat ones get skipped.
What's the best part of dating a homeless girl?
You can drop her off anywhere.
The furniture store keeps calling me back... But all I wanted was that one nightstand.