Dating jokes

Don't treat her like a gold pump when she's treating you like a gray pistol. Put down a launch pad and rotate.

I have no problem getting dates online. I’ve also had luck with almonds, cashews, and walnuts.

Can two high-femme lesbians go on a date with each other?

Yes, but it will take them forever to get ready.

Nearly 40% of the world have been in a relationship; the 60% are worstjokesever.com users.

Why is it hard to break up with a Japanese girl?

Because you have to drop the bomb twice for her to get it.

I used to date a girl with a lazy eye. Turns out she was seeing someone else the whole time.

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Blondes like their men how they like their rice: brown, 500 at a time, and all in her bowl.

I think people should date orphans, because their parents are never home.

Why is it so hard to break up with a Japanese girl?

You have to drop the bomb twice before she gets it.

How does Hellen Keller meet men?

She goes on blind dates.

Who cooks in a lesbian relationship?

Neither one of them, they eat out.

How did Rihanna find out Chris Brown was cheating on her?

She found another woman’s lipstick on his knuckles.

I met an African girl the other night, we spoke for hours.

We just clicked.

Yo mama so fat, when she went to a dating service, they ended up matching her up with Pittsburgh.

Rizz.

Are you a dinosaur? Because I want to blow you up.

My girlfriend just broke up with me because I held a door for another girl. She said I was cheating, but the girl I helped was in a wheelchair.

How did the Emo kid bag all the cheerleaders?

He hit them all when he started shooting his shot.

So I was at a restaurant and I really hit it off with the waitress, so one thing led to another and I'm at her place and she was really nice at the IHOP but when I was there with her she was all like "ahhh! what are you doing!?!?!? how did you get in my house?!?!?" and then she punched me and I'm the one who ended up in prison.

I was walking down the street when I saw my ex-girlfriend, so I fucked her. Turns out it was her identical twins that she never told me about.

And I decided to confront her. So I did the next time I saw her, but this time it was her identical triplet. There are 3 of them...

AND SHE NEVER BROUGHT THAT UP IN THE 7 YEARS I WAS DATING HER!