Dating jokes
How are Tinder and orphans alike?
You swipe left till you find the one you like.
What does a carpenter do after a one night stand?
The second nightstand.
What's the difference between a hoe and a sidechick? The hoe want different meals, the sidechick always gone be that one crumb on the side of the plate for debate 💯.
Him: What's the difference between Incestry.com and Ancestry.com?
Her: What?
Him: Nothing, either way you will be dating your cousin.
There is this cute Russian girl in my class, yet she hasn't asked me out for vodka.
Pick up lines.
"One fish, two fish, three fish, I’m breaking up with you, b*tch!"
"Hey there little mister, I’m dating your sister."
A boy and girl in high school started dating for a while and things were going so well that the girl decided to invite the boy on a weekend trip. She said, "I want you to come spend the weekend at our lakehouse and meet my parents. While we're there, I'd also like to take our relationship to the next level." "I'm there," the boy replied.
The boy was so excited that he ran straight to the pharmacy to pick up some protection. He walked up to the pharmacist and told him about his weekend to come and said he needed some condoms. The pharmacist asked, "Do you want the 3 pack, 6 pack, or family sized 24 pack?" The boy replied, "I plan on getting busy all weekend. I'm not gonna stop pounding her till I'm black and blue. Give me the family pack." "Sure thing," said the pharmacist.
That weekend the boy went to the lakehouse and the whole family was sitting down at the dinner table to pray. The girl's father asked the boy to say grace. The boy prayed and prayed. Almost ten minutes went by. Finally, the girl leaned over to the boy and said, "You never told me that you were so religious." The boy replied, "You never told me that your dad was a pharmacist."
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I used to date a girl with a lazy eye. Turns out she was seeing someone else the whole time.
What’s the difference between your boyfriend and a condom?
A. Condoms have evolved. They’re not so thick and insensitive anymore.
Don't treat her like a gold pump when she's treating you like a gray pistol. Put down a launch pad and rotate.
Blondes like their men how they like their rice: brown, 500 at a time, and all in her bowl.
I think people should date orphans, because their parents are never home.
I met an African girl the other night, we spoke for hours.
We just clicked.
I saw names carved into a tree and thought it was romantic. Until I realized how many people bring knives on dates.
How does Hellen Keller meet men?
She goes on blind dates.
Did you hear about the woman who broke up with the man who had a small penis?
When his friends ask how he’s doing, he said, “I wasn’t that into her.”
When your crush walks in class, but you're homeschooled...
Why is it so hard to break up with a Japanese girl?
You have to drop the bomb twice before she gets it.
My girlfriend just broke up with me because I held a door for another girl. She said I was cheating, but the girl I helped was in a wheelchair.