Dating jokes

There is this cute Russian girl in my class, yet she hasn't asked me out for vodka.

A boy and girl in high school started dating for a while and things were going so well that the girl decided to invite the boy on a weekend trip. She said, "I want you to come spend the weekend at our lakehouse and meet my parents. While we're there, I'd also like to take our relationship to the next level." "I'm there," the boy replied.

The boy was so excited that he ran straight to the pharmacy to pick up some protection. He walked up to the pharmacist and told him about his weekend to come and said he needed some condoms. The pharmacist asked, "Do you want the 3 pack, 6 pack, or family sized 24 pack?" The boy replied, "I plan on getting busy all weekend. I'm not gonna stop pounding her till I'm black and blue. Give me the family pack." "Sure thing," said the pharmacist.

That weekend the boy went to the lakehouse and the whole family was sitting down at the dinner table to pray. The girl's father asked the boy to say grace. The boy prayed and prayed. Almost ten minutes went by. Finally, the girl leaned over to the boy and said, "You never told me that you were so religious." The boy replied, "You never told me that your dad was a pharmacist."

Don't treat her like a gold pump when she's treating you like a gray pistol. Put down a launch pad and rotate.

I have no problem getting dates online. I’ve also had luck with almonds, cashews, and walnuts.

Nearly 40% of the world have been in a relationship; the 60% are worstjokesever.com users.

Why is it hard to break up with a Japanese girl?

Because you have to drop the bomb twice for her to get it.

I used to date a girl with a lazy eye. Turns out she was seeing someone else the whole time.

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Blondes like their men how they like their rice: brown, 500 at a time, and all in her bowl.

I think people should date orphans, because their parents are never home.

Why is it so hard to break up with a Japanese girl?

You have to drop the bomb twice before she gets it.

How does Hellen Keller meet men?

She goes on blind dates.

How did Rihanna find out Chris Brown was cheating on her?

She found another woman’s lipstick on his knuckles.

I met an African girl the other night, we spoke for hours.

We just clicked.

Yo mama so fat, when she went to a dating service, they ended up matching her up with Pittsburgh.

Rizz.

Are you a dinosaur? Because I want to blow you up.

My girlfriend just broke up with me because I held a door for another girl. She said I was cheating, but the girl I helped was in a wheelchair.

How did the Emo kid bag all the cheerleaders?

He hit them all when he started shooting his shot.

So I was at a restaurant and I really hit it off with the waitress, so one thing led to another and I'm at her place and she was really nice at the IHOP but when I was there with her she was all like "ahhh! what are you doing!?!?!? how did you get in my house?!?!?" and then she punched me and I'm the one who ended up in prison.

I was walking down the street when I saw my ex-girlfriend, so I fucked her. Turns out it was her identical twins that she never told me about.

And I decided to confront her. So I did the next time I saw her, but this time it was her identical triplet. There are 3 of them...

AND SHE NEVER BROUGHT THAT UP IN THE 7 YEARS I WAS DATING HER!